On the Journey....III

The whole thing is becoming more concrete.

Thursday I had a port (stent/cath/shunt) placed, so that I don't have to get a needle everytime I get chemo. It's about the size of a quarter (although it feels much larger), with a tube running to a large vein in my neck. It just makes the whole process of chemotherapy easier for me and the staff sdministering it. They can also draw blood through it. As I apparently have "small veins" (which means "difficult to stick") minimizing the number of needle sticks is important!

I was back at work yesterday, although I did not stir out of the house last night. There were several events I wanted to attend. Band Named After a Household Appliance had a gig, there were two art shows opening, and of course the usual Halloween fun. I thought of last year when Man About Town and I went to a local bar and watched the people in costume going into the local "young people's bar" and picking our favourite costumes--I liked the light-up Christmas tree. That was also the night Man About Town was asked by a stranger if the stranger could ask me to dance...MAT was not only not my partner, but gay. He told the stranger, "You'll have to ask her!" We still chuckle about that one...

Anyway, next week--yeah. Monday I meet with the nurse running the clnical trial, then my oncologist, to be sure everything's on track for Wednesday. Then Tuesday morning I meet with a possible spiritual director. Tuesday night Strong Heart comes over, and Wednesday afternoon is my first round of chemo.

There's an election in there somewhere too...

Seriously, I have already voted by absentee ballot, and while I am working on Tuesday night, I will have one of the election sites up on the work computer. I doubt we'll stay up late waiting for the results, but I do plan to watch for a while after I get home (c.8:30). Not many results until then anyway.

For my US readers--have you or will you vote? This election feels critical to me. We all need to take advantage of our ability to make our wishes and opinion known--so vote!

On the Journey....

I haven't really slept well on a regular basis for a while now--probably since I learned I had cancer and would need the lumpectomy. Not that I've been dwelling on things or that I've been thinking things over and unable to sleep. More that I don't stay asleep. I'll wake up a couple times a night and just stare at the ceiling, sleepy, but unable to sleep.

And then when I do sleep, it's not a restful sleep. I've been having very vivid dreams, mostly of the anxiety sort, but not all--some very good ones--but so vivid that they aren't restful. I would love to fall asleep and not wake up until morning. I'm very tired a lot of the time...or else I'm OK for a few hours and then crash after four or five hours. If I'm like this now (residual surgical effects? psychological weariness?) what in the world will I be like after a round of chemo?

Still some soreness and tenderness in my arm and along my ribs and shoulder....and some numbness still as well--but I understand that can take months to resolve.

Otherwise in a pretty good place--Strong Heart and I had some quality time this weekend (i.e., it didn't involve either of the churches we serve, medical issues, or running errands), which was wonderful. I'm making plans and preparing for when I may be too tired to lift my head, much less plan worship or write a sermon or lead a Bible study; and there's tons of paperwork and phone calls and organising to be done. It's giving me something to do!

One thing I am thinking about, and that is locating a spiritual director. This really isn't something we're taught about in seminary, and there aren't any resources out there that I can find--leading a church while you have a serious illness... More than the practical stuff--or in addition to it--I want to be able to address the spiritual dimension of this, for myself, for myself and Strong Heart, for myself and the rest of my family, and for myself and the congregation. So there's another phone call for tomorrow! I'm hoping the social worker (a former clergy person) will have some resources and possibly even know of some SD's in town here.

I'll keep you posted!