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Yep, I'm a Type 2. Mother Teresa or a manipulative s.o.b., depending on whether I'm healthy or not.

Thanks to RDQ for posting hers which led me to do the same.

We Have a Photo!

As promised, a photo of RDQ and RP at our Conference. RP is on the left (you can tell by the rainbow scarf), RDQ on the right.

Dinner, Part II

Well, I promised to let you know the results of coming out to two friends from high school.

First of all, let me say how much they both are like they were in high school. One is still a little off-centre, off-beat. The other is still serene and sweet. And they’re still friends!

We went to dinner and when the question came up about what MCC was, I took a deep breath and plunged in. The story of leaving the United Methodist Church and transferring to MCC was quickly told, and I looked from one face to the other.

“It must have been very difficult for you to do that,” said Off-Beat. “I’m impressed that you were able to speak your truth.”

“The church has a ways to go,” said Serene.

And that was it.

Now, the emails may have flown fast and furious the next day, I don’t know. But the rest of the evening passed uneventfully, just three friends hanging out talking, drinking the white wine and iced tea. And when she dropped me off, Serene said, “Be sure to let me know when you’re in town next so we can get together.”

So it was not a mad act, nor did it prove very interesting. Which is just fine with me. Anticlimax is my friend.

Monday Afternoon, Almost Back from Conference Edition

I’m physically back from Conference, but still tired and yet elated. In the interests of informing my eager readership (all three or four of you) and also of procrastinating from other things, here’s my report on General Conference.

You can read Rev. Dona Q.’s version of events on her biog (http://revdonaquixote.blogspot.com/) just be aware that there are many versions of truth. That is, I did indeed experience snorting beverages, but I think they were both RDQ’s fault. Or one was, and the other was the fault of Honest Lawyer. They were not my fault. OK, they were. But we were having fun.

Highlights for me were:

Clergy conference. Wonderful speakers (including James Nelson), powerful worship services, and incredible fellowship made these three days very special. One of the things I love about conference is getting to spend time with clergy colleagues I may email with regularly (or not so regularly—sorry, Honest Lawyer and Former Baptist!), even have lunch with—but don’t always have time to sit and talk with. Clergy conference gave us time to do that. CC was also emotional for me, as I spoke up, for the first time, in front of my clergy colleagues and my superiors in the denomination, about my frustrations and pain and anger about the way I (and many others in my position) are forced to do ministry. I hate crying in public, and there I was, in front of fifty or sixty of my colleagues, weeping. But I know I spoke for others in the room too, they were not only my tears.

General Conference. I was so proud to be living in Canada! The pastor of MCC Toronto, Rev. Dr. Brent Hawkes, has been awarded the Order of Canada for his civil rights work. This is the highest honour a Canadian citizen can earn. We gave him a standing ovation. The preachers were amazing. Like RDQ, I am so buying the CD of Rev. Lynice Pinkard’s sermon “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”—quite possibly the best sermon I have heard in my life. Bible study, business meetings, plenary sessions…much to learn, much to share. I think I even educated Brit Boy, emailing him notes from sessions between times. Got to love wifi…. I also want to mention the music at worship—consistently wonderful.

Special photo coming soon….

Conference!

I really had to resist the temptation to title this "Desert Exile."

Arizona. July. 1200 (more or less) Christians from around the world. My denominational conference.

"One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell me which thing is not like the others, by the time I finish my song?"

I know it's less expensive (relatively speaking) to have a conference in the desert in July. But oh dear Lord, the water consumption! And ten (10) (TEN!) days away from my own house and nice firm bed...and all the community projects (which I am sure will fall apart without me--NOT!). And all my friends...the Professor will have to find someone else to do wings with on Wednesdays, Monsieur won't have anyone to drink his cider with, Music Man won't have to think up words, the Yellow House will overflow with undrunk beer, Office Man won't have anyone to pick up after, and who, oh who, will keep Brit Boy in line?

Anyway, enough whinging, as Brit Boy would say. In all reality, I am looking forward to this very much. It's reunion time, it's study time, it's worship I didn't have to plan (although I am helping with it in a very very minor way), there's a bit of party time (aka "fellowship" in church talk), it's even a bit of vacation time. It will be nine days (I'm taking one day off, RDQ!) in the desert with my colleagues, my friends, my mentors, and my teachers.

I can't get packed and out the door fast enough.

I will attempt to post once or twice, but if you don't hear from me, it's because RDQ and I are by the pool with teh kd and teh Banderas, who are SO not delivering sermons this week.

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are, and Meet the Pastor Who Fell From A Star....

I think I'll be cross-posting this one to Lavender Chronicle...

See, the thing is this. A few years ago, my mother moved back to the town where I (and my sisters) grew up. She went back to the family church. She became active. All this is great, totally in keeping with my mother's spirit and not the point of this spiel anyway. It's just to lead into the fact that she's come to know many of the other women at the church, through Bible study and the women's group and so on. Her last name is different from mine, by the way.

Well, at the mother-daughter Mother's Day brunch last month, a woman who looked vaguely familiar sat down next to my mother, and began talking. She looked at me intently, glanced at my name tag, and asked if my last name was "Pastor." At that moment, I recognized her, she recognized me, and much laughter ensued. She and I were part of a small group (four) that spent a lot of time together in high school. We were the four musketeers of TeenyTown. One of us has moved out of state and our lives. But the fourth member is not far away, and so we agreed that the three of us remaining in-state (or sort of in-state in my case) had to get together.

It's set for this coming week--dinner at a restaurant not far from my mother's home.

But. The reunion situation wasn't one in which I could exactly come out. You don't drop that on the table in the middle of a church Mother's Day brunch, just before the nice man gives his talk on Wild Birds of Our County. I couldn't mention "my partner" as a hint because I don't have one (partner, that is; and the way things are going currently, my next partner may be a guy--which is a whole other post--and so wouldn't have helped anyway). I did give her my card, but it doesn't out me either. On the other hand, if we're going to renew our friendship, I have to come out. I spent too long in the closet to go back in.

So. I will be coming out to two old friends from high school whom I haven't seen in close to twenty years.

In telling this to my current friends, the reaction has been mixed. Brit Boy thinks I'm a "madwoman" (yes, that's a direct quote). The denizens of the Yellow House think it will be interesting. Music Man says to have an alternate form of transportation home (I'm to ride with one of my friends). The Photographer wants to be a fly on the wall. Other reactions have ranged from a shrug to "it will be fine--they were your friends," to a wistful "wish I could have done that."

Well, I'm sure my mother would have warned me if she had thought there would be "issues." She knows the one woman well enough from working with her in the church to tell me.

I guess my musings are more around the topic of coming out as a continual process (or "pro-sess" as we say in the land of maple leaves). There's always someone who hasn't heard or you've just met, a new doctor or real estate agent or whatever. Now, I know my former partner was listed in the last reunion booklet (four years ago), , so if one or the other of these ladies was paying attention they would have picked up on it. But they may not have. Or they may have and didn't want to mention it.

So. There may be no drama at all--or one or the other may be startled. But I remember these two from a long way back. I'd like to think they haven't changed much from the accepting, intelligent, friendly people they were then.

I don't think I'm a madwoman for coming out to them--even in the British sense of the word (i.e., only slightly nuts), and while it may be highly entertaining for those not involved, my guess is that, in reality, it will be low-key and no surprises, with no need for extra money for cab fare.

Stay tuned. Promise to update later.

Friday Five: Hot Town, Summer in the City...

Friday Five from the RevGalBlogPals...

...or town, or suburb, or hamlet, or burg, or unincorporated zone, or rural area of your choice---pretty much anywhere but the southern hemisphere, it's summer. (Australians and others, consider this an invitation to take a break from winter for a while.)

1. Favorite summer food(s) and beverage(s)

Food: Steamed crabs, hands down. Devilled eggs, Raspberries. Blueberries. Especially over home-made ice cream.

Beverages: Iced tea.

2. Song that "says" summer to you. (Need not be about summer explicitly.)

For some reason, “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Also “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” probably because it was very popular one summer when I spent a lot of time by the pool listening to the radio. Any camp song.

3. A childhood summer memory

Long car rides to visit family; this was pre-air-conditioning in cars, so it was hot and sticky and my sister always sat on my side of the backseat.

Sitting in the breezeway (screened porch between the garage and main house) with my family eating dinner or watching TV or reading. We lived out there in July and August.

4. An adult summer memory

German beer gardens, sitting under the chestnut trees, drinking a radler-mass (half lager beer, half lemon soda), eating roast chicken and listening to jazz.

Lying on the beach at Rehoboth or Dewey Beach, going into a sort of zen trance; the sound of the waves mesmerising me, the cries of the seagulls and children a counterpoint, the warmth of the sun baking me…a state between awake and asleep. Very restorative.

5. Describe a wonderful summer day you'd like to have in the near future. (weather, location, activities)

Now are we talking reality here or fantasy? I’ll do both.

Reality (i.e. what’s likely to happen): Gardening in the morning, with a leisurely lunch on the porch, followed by a stroll downtown with friends, perhaps dinner at an outdoor café, and the evening spent, again, on the porch with them in conversation and drinking good wine.

Fantasy: At my seaside cottage, with my (currently non-existent) significant other; stay abed late, luxurious brunch on the deck overlooking the water, followed by an afternoon on our beach, swimming and sunning, then dinner with friends on the deck with a sunset sail afterwards and nightcaps by the fireplace (it gets chilly by the water after dark).

I notice these have in common: friends, food, being outside, and certain beverages.. I’m not quite sure what that says about me.

Optional: Does your place of worship do anything differently in the summer? (Fewer services, casual dress, etc.)

In the past, we’ve moved to the basement. I think we’ll stay where we are for now, in a smaller room upstairs that is air-conditioned. It’s more intimate, anyway.

Books!

Sally has made me jealous by reporting her trip to the Cambridge (England) book shops. As a result of her trip (well, she was really there for a conference), she offered the following Friday Five.

1. 1. Fiction what kind, detective novels, historical stuff, thrillers, romance????

Mostly literary—historical or modern-type literary. Some science fiction and fantasy, but I have gotten extremely picky about that over the years. I have a few favourite SF/fantasy authors who I pretty much stick to (Guy Gavriel Kay, Joan Vinge, Dan Simmons, to name a few), unless someone whose taste I trust recommends another one.

2. When you get a really good book do you read it all in one chunk or savour it slowly?

Oh, savour. I rarely have time to read a whole book at once anyway—or even quickly.

3. Is there a book you keep returning to and why?

King Hereafter, by Dorothy Dunnett. Her contention is that MacBeth (yes, of Shakespeare fame) and Thorfinn were the same person—it’s an obscure bit of Scottish history, but she does magic with it. KH is multilayered, historically accurate, and heartbreaking. DD creates the most amazing characters—they’re not cardboard, not puppets. At the same time, she makes you (the reader) work a bit—she rarely has the characters explain anything outright, so you have to pay attention to implications and hidden meanings and remember what was said about the topic before… Yes, there are mental gymnastics involved. But her Thorfinn is one of the most amazing literary characters of all time. I read it slowly, then when I finish, let it sit a week or two so I can recover—then start it again.

4. Apart from the Bible which non-fiction book has influenced you the most?

Coming Out Spiritually, by Christian de la Huerta. I’ve mentioned this amazing book before here. Christian makes the point that to come out as a gay man, lesbian, bisexual person or transgender person is not enough—we must also “come out” in a spiritual sense. We must claim our spiritual identity as well as our sexual/gender identity. I read it at least once a year. If Christian offers a workshop at a conference or meeting you are attending, I highly recommend it. He will expand your mind in ways you didn’t think it could go, trust me.

5. Describe a perfect place to read. ( could be anywhere!!!)

My favourite is on a porch, in rocking chair, with a glass of lemonade or iced tea at hand, my feet up, and some good music floating out from the open window. Paradise. It doesn’t matter where that porch/deck is, either—ocean beach, lake, mountains, back yard…any or all are good!

(please note: I have tried several times to correct the formatting, but Blogger isn't playing nice today)

Better Preaching Through Less Writing

I had my annual evaluation yesterday.

I like this Board. I received a very constructive evaluation. Sometimes an evaluation is, “You’re great, we love you,” which is nice, but not helpful. Sometimes it’s “We think you’re awful, we can’t wait until your contract expires,” which is not pleasant or helpful. This Board does a good job.

One of the suggestion/comments has had me thinking ever since. They thought the sermons I preached from outlines were actually more engaging and real than the ones I preached from a manuscript. As some of you may remember, I did preach from outlines for a while earlier this year, but went back to manuscripts (I don’t remember why).

The truth is, at least for yesterday, that procrastination and the temptation of time spent with friends instead of the sermon got the best of me this past week—so while I knew where I wanted to go with the sermon, I hadn’t sat down with it and worked on it. So what I preached from was my outline (detailed), with needed facts, quotes, names, etc—factual stuff—written in, and the rest left to me, or more accurately, to the Holy Spirit moving in me. Well, the Spirit did some moving indeed—turned out to be a good sermon, and they said so.

My seminary preaching professors kept pushing us to preach from outlines, and I resisted greatly.

But now I have to admit, they were right. Imagine that!

With the manuscript, I was tied to that as to what to say—of course I would depart from time to time, but most of what I said was right there in front of me, and I didn’t feel free to go beyond it—and I didn’t have the spontaneity of simply talking, either.

So I’m going back to outlines for a while. It doesn’t mean any less preparation—but it may allow me to improve my preaching!

Friday Five, Travel Edition

Friday Five!

Cathy of the RevGalBlogPals ring asks:

Suppose you were told to pack some essentials for a trip to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Describe your location, in general or specific terms and....

1) What book(s) will you bring?
2) What music accompanies you?
3) What essentials of everyday living must you take (as in the health and beauty aids aisle variety)?
4) What technological gadgets if any, will you take with you or do you leave it all behind?
5) What culinary delights will you partake in while there?

As a bonus question, what makes for a perfect day on vacation for you?

Well, this one is near and dear to my heart. I’m up to my nose in stuff—I realized the other day that I have exactly three days in June with nothing scheduled—which means I’ll be using them for writing sermons. July is going to be even worse, I think, with my denomination’s conference the first week, three weddings, and our local Pride celebration (for which I am vice-chair) the rest of the month. I am so getting away in August.

Location: At the moment, I’m leaning towards my favourite retreat centre, GilChrist, in southern Michigan. I had a very fulfilling week there this past fall. On the other hand, that would be solitary, and while in some ways I will probably want a break from people, I’m not sure I want to be totally alone. On the other other hand, I don’t have a special someone to go anywhere with, so it may be a moot point. Maybe the ideal location would be one that offers opportunities for both socializing and solitary reflection.

Books: A mix of fun things I’d like to read and may even have started but haven’t been able to find enough me-time to read and those things I want to read for professional development or that are simply more serious. Are we looking for titles? Here are a few: Iliad, Dan Simmons; Praying Twice, Brian Wren; The History of Sexuality Michel Foucault; In Memory of Her, Elisabeth Schuessler Fiorenza; The Gospel and Science Fiction, Gabriel McKee; catching up with my New Yorkers.

Music: A mix of kd lang (of course), my meditation music,and Loreena McKennitt, with Brit Boy’s house music mixes (great for a workout), and some Bob Seger and Jimmy Buffett for road music.

Essentials: Shampoo. Toothpaste and brush, hairbrush. Soap. Deodorant. Razor. That’ll do it.

Technology: Well, if I had an iPod, I’d take that, but as it is, I’ll take a CD player (whether personal or portable), and my laptop. Even if there’s no Internet (maybe especially if there isn’t) since that’s how I now write—journals, letters, etc..

Food: The meals I enjoyed on my retreat last fall have set a pattern for me. Roast chicken, cheese, salad, fruit, crackers, eggs (a variety of ways). A few relishes and snacks—sweet gherkins, lime corn chips. Of course, that’s for a retreat where I’m doing the cooking. If I were at a hotel/resort/spa/B&B, I’d explore whatever is good locally—specialties, local wines/beers, fruits, etc.

Perfect day: sleep later (but not too late), journal on the deck/balcony over coffee, big breakfast, sight-seeing/shopping/seminar/galleries with a congenial companion in the morning, late lunch, back to home base for reading/writing/swim/walk, then with/after dinner conversation with a larger group. The rest depends on the company…!!

Graduation, Exhausted Edition

Ten hours each way driving by myself.

One son, graduated.

One friend and her daughter, baptised.

Many meals (steamed crabs, BBQ, Pakistani, Italian), eaten.

Many friends, reunited; many more stories told and memories remembered.

One exhausted RP heading for bed.

Good night.

Off to see the Wizard...

Well, maybe not.

But I'm off to Large Political City to see my son get his diploma this weekend. I'll be seeing many friends, sharing stories and generally updating people on my life, as well as hearing what's happening in theirs.

I'll get to worship at Large Political City's wonderful MCC...with many more friends. It's where I trained, so they knew me when....

I'll get to stay with Bestest Friend, who feeds me excellently, both food and spirit, and her husband, who is simply always there. I'll have dinner with them and Book Man--he and Brit Boy are two of the few people who can make me feel out of breath, intellectually, in a conversation. I'd love to get the two of them together sometime and watch the results!

Most of all, I'll get to spend time with TO, who is indeed very tall these days...about to leave home and go find a way to make his own home in the world. In a way, it feels like his first day of school--I want to tell him what to do, what to watch out for, who to talk to, and where to sit in the classroom. But I can't do that now anymore than I could then, 12 years ago.

So travelling mercies on me my friends, and may I not be fed TOO much good food....

See you next week!

Star Wars: The Sermon

(This sermon was inspired partly by Gord, of Following Frodo fame, on this very blogring. Thanks also to Music Man for the suggestion about flirtatious.)

Will you pray with me? Holy One, God of Flame and Word and Creation, you are always present with us in grace and power. Grant us wisdom to hear you speaking to us, give us courage to respond, and strength to work for your realm among us. In all your names, amen.

“I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe there’s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny. It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

Anyone recognize that quote? Thirty years ago, a new cultural universe burst upon the world—I don’t think that’s too strong a description. Star Wars is a modern saga, today’s version of the Iliad or the King Arthur stories. It is a story of a spiritual quest, a journey in search of divinity and the self. Han Solo plays devil’s advocate at every turn—the doubter, the cynic, the anti-hero—not so oddly, he’s probably my favourite character, for that very reason—well, that and his flirtatious nature! He doesn’t take anything on faith—he knows what he knows, and he has to be shown differently--he wants proof. Han is the quintessential doubter, the questioner, the smart-aleck kid in the back of the class who asks the really good questions but in a way that sounds like sass. I always did like the wild ones….

In fact, I think it is possible to say that all the movies—all six of them—the entire story—is an extended answer to Han’s doubt. The Force, that mystical energy binding everything together, does indeed guide Han’s destiny—and Luke’s destiny and Leia’s destiny, and Chewbacca’s and Yoda’s and even R2D2’s. Is anyone not at least somewhat familiar with the storyline? I didn’t think so…

The story is an elaborate playing-out of the destiny laid out for Anikin, Luke, Obi Wan and the rest from the beginning. Clearly they could have made other choices, and in some cases have made unwise choices—but the Force is still present, the energy that infuses everything they do. It is what gives them power, what allows them to be who and what they are, whether for good or ill.

This sense of a mystical energy force is not a bad way to understand the Holy Spirit. The Force is throughout the universe. Obi Wan says, “It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.” That is a good description of the presence of the Holy Spirit in and among us—how it holds us all together, runs through and in all of us. We in the church would describe it as a power of love. But Yoda tells us that The Force has a dark side, and there is the difference between The Force and the Holy Spirit.

There is no evil, no dark side to the Holy Spirit, unlike The Force. Anikin Skywalker, of course, succumbs to the power and seduction of the dark side, and becomes Darth Vader. The Holy Spirit, however, is a creative force for good, only good. It, too, holds the galaxy, in fact the whole universe, together, but with the strength of love, of wholeness. The Holy Spirit is part of the Deity, part of God—and therefore is wholly—holy—good. A force of love that brings all things, all worlds, all people together. In the Scripture this morning, that’s what it means to have people speaking in all the different languages—and understood—all in different languages.

I have two experiences to offer here—some of you may have had similar ones. One is my conversations with my friends in the United Kingdom—[all of them]. UK usage of English is very different in some ways from ours in North America, as we all know—boot for car trunk, petrol rather than gas, or “move house” rather than “moving” for example. Perhaps my favourite is the term “rubbish;” meaning “trash, worthless, garbage.” A thing can be rubbish—an idea for a sermon or the transit system or petrol prices. It is somehow more expressive than simply “garbage.” We and our cousins in the UK, are, in the late Prime Minister Winston Churchill’s phrase, “One people divided by a common language.” And let’s not even get started on our supposedly English-speaking cousins in Australia….

But I have also experienced language as a means of bringing others closer as well. On my study trip to Poland, I found that many Poles speak at least a little German—as do I. So when my Polish failed (a frequent occurrence), often my German could fill the gap. I didn’t speak much Polish, they spoke no English—but we both spoke German. I spoke directly with a survivor of Auschwitz—was able to share his views, his sense of humour, his insight—because we both spoke German.

Language can divide but ultimately, language can unite—when there is the understanding, the hearing and listening and communication of a Pentecost. That use of language to unite is a symbol, a metaphor for the way the Holy Spirit brings all of us together in the church.

Finally, Han Solo talked about the “simple tricks” he thought were part of The Force. He saw unexplainable things, but attributed them to trickery and sleight of hand, a magician’s illusions rather than miracles. This is how the outsiders saw the Pentecost event as well—the babblings of people drunk on new wine, a trick—not something to be taken seriously. They didn’t understand the languages they heard, didn’t know what they were seeing. Just as Han dismissed what he didn’t understand as a trick, so did those people who were not a part of the early Christian church dismiss what they saw. Over time, however, Han understood more about The Force, and no longer dismissed its effects. In fact, he came in time to feel its presence himself. But at first, as for the non-Christians looking on, this seemed just so much babbling and crazy talk.

Now, all this may seem bit extreme to some of you—after all, this is a science fiction movie—or series of them—and how can we use them to make a point about God, about theology?

There is a real need to make sure that our language, our metaphors, our speech, is understandable and intelligible to everyone. Many of the images in the Bible made sense and were relevant to the first Christians, and indeed to most people for a long time. They lived on farms, or close enough to them to know those metaphors—they baked their own bread, wove cloth—they knew these processes and understood those metaphors. But how many of us really understand the work of a shepherd these days or a centurion? How many of us make bread without a machine? Or plant crops? We don’t have that connection to the parables and metaphors that the disciples and Jesus used. And so instead of telling stories that people don’t understand or misunderstand, it makes more sense, it seems to me, to use terms and stories and metaphors that they do understand. And Star Wars, as the example I used today, makes perfect sense. It is the hero-quest story, the mythology of our day—the Iliad, the Grendel, the stories of King Arthur and the Round Table, for our age.

And so Han Solo stands in for all people who have doubted, who have looked at the religious people around them and said, “Well, maybe that works for you, but I think it’s so much rubbish.” He is indeed alone—Solo—because he does not understand the power, the binding energy of The Force. It is only once he does, that he accepts that the Force exists, that he is genuinely a part of the Rebel force and becomes partnered with a symbol of that Rebel force, Princess Leia. He is the one who says, “But I haven’t seen any miracles.” Who says, “But I haven’t felt united with anyone. That’s not true—there is no bond in the Force.”

But the Holy Spirit doesn’t give up. The Holy Spirit is resourceful and more than a bit wild. It is not a mistake that the two symbols, or expressions of the Holy Spirit are fire and wind—both of them often uncontrollable and wild, beneficial and dangerous. Or as the writer Mark Harris says, “The Spirit is somewhat cranky and given to its own thing.”

Part of that new thing, in fact, is the way we speak of the Holy Spirit. We use ever-changing, ever new, metaphors and yet each of them expresses the essence of the Holy Spirit—that wild, uncontrollable, universal force that binds us together into one. Think then, about this. What is the Holy Spirit? How does the Holy Spirit dance and sing and move in your life? What is your metaphor for the Holy Spirit and God’s presence with you, here and now?

In all of God’s many names, amen.

Attempted Addendum

I’ve tried several times to rewrite this, and it doesn’t want to happen.

So I will let it sit and stew in my brain for a few days. My brain, the Crockpot of good ideas. Some might say crackpot.

My apologies to those of you who require, oh, I don’t know—logic and coherence—in what you read.

“The system is down. Please try again later.”

Addendum to The Big C...

Whoo. This post is practically incoherent. It’s what I get for working without an outline (net). Tune in tomorrow for a new revised version. Hopefully that one will be intelligible.

And will someone please turn off the Victoria Day firecrackers already?

From the Big C to the Big R...

I’ve been pondering relationships. This is partly an outgrowth of events in my personal life, as well as some events in the church.

Some issues/questions I’ve been thinking about (and this is open-ended, so feel free to comment—in fact, comment is welcome):

I’m in a quandary about meeting people and revealing myself to be clergy. As most of you know, when you met people, inevitably the question comes up, “So what do you do?” I’ve had people instantly cool—glances that were flirtatious or warm become merely friendly or speculative, if not downright hostile or suspicious when I tell them I’m clergy. I’m talking about purely social situations—parties and so on, where I’m there as Rainbow Pastor, not The Pastor. One friend had someone walk away from her on the dance floor when she told him she was a director of Christian Ed. But obviously, I can’t shade or omit that information. So what’s to do? I know the obvious answer is to be open about it…but rejection and hostility ain’t no fun, my friends.

It’s part of a larger issue of honesty in relationships. I know most people want to be in relationship—personal relationships, work relationships, church relationships…but they all rely on trust. I’ve seen both a personal relationship (not one of mine) and a church relationship implode recently over a lack of honesty. And yet if all the individuals involved had begun and/or continued with honesty and integrity, instead of some of them deceiving or shading the truth, the relationships would probably still be strong and healthy. The temptation is to put the best slant on things, if not outright deceive. This isn’t from bad intentions, for the most part, but simply an attempt to look as good as you can to possible partners—or churches, or employers. So the salesman becomes the senior seller, or the teacher’s aide becomes a teacher; years drop off; as do pounds; income creeps up; circumstances change to make the person look better. It’s more than self-marketing, it’s also, I think, an attempt at boosting self-esteem. But when the deception is found out—as it almost always eventually is—then the results are disastrous.

I’m making some first tentative steps towards new relationships-very tentative, baby steps, practically inching my way along here—and these issues are very real to me. When and how do I tell people—potential friends/romantic interests—that I’m clergy? So far, I’ve been telling them as soon as the question of occupation comes up, and letting the chips fall where they may. I don’t say it in a defiant way, nor apologetic—at least I don’t intend either of those. I try to simply say it, as neutrally as possible. I will sometimes put it in terms of “working for a church,” or “being involved in ministry” and work up to the clergy declaration. Other times, I just go for it. Depends on my read of the other person. So far, I’ve gotten mostly positive responses—only one person walked away (metaphorically).

In a larger context, how do we, as individuals, self-reveal when we join a church, or a new group of some kind? Our board is looking at how we integrate new people into the congregation and life of the church. This church has had a past history of moving people into service too quickly and then burning them out so they become completely pew sitters or else leave. We want to break those habits and change that pattern. Most of the responsibility for change rests with us as a church, of course—to create a process for involving people, to monitor and mentor them—to guide them into appropriate ministries and levels of involvement. It involves honesty again—which can be difficult and even painful.

I think most people would agree in principle that honesty is the best policy…but it doesn’t always work and sometimes it actually backfires—when it isn’t believed, for example, because it’s unexpected. On the other hand it can be very powerful—for the same reason—because it is unexpected.

I don’t think I’ve come to any conclusions here…if I have, will someone please point it out to me?

Maybe it boils down to this—honesty is the best policy (now where have I heard that before), even will it will cause pain or discomfort, unless the pain is unnecessary (I’m thinking of complimenting a person’s ugly new hat, for example). Sometimes the honesty is needed, even though it will hurt or put us at risk for speaking truth.

Friday Five Big Event

The RevGals are planning a party! So Songbird has given us this Friday Five:

The Big Event Friday Five.

1. What would the meeting be like? (Continuing Ed? Retreat? Outside Speakers? Interest Groups? Workshops? Hot Stone Massages? Pedicures? Glorified Slumber Party?)

Yes.

Truly a little of each would be wonderful. I understand this would be difficult to do in a weekend, but I’d love to try! Maybe an “Ask the Matriarch” session, a workshop on Preaching Parties—er, preaching—and lots of time to meet in groups and discuss things like writing for worship, or balancing family and call, or support systems, or how to find a good manicurist in a new town… And some time in the hot tub with margaritas or other beverage of choice (per the stay-at-homes preacher party last year during the Festival of Homies).

2. When in 2008 might you be able to attend? January? Shortly after Easter? Summer? Fall? Some other time?
Soon after Easter, August, October are the best times for me, given other commitments.

3. Where would your dream meeting location be? (Urban Hotel? Rural Retreat Center? New England Camp? Southwestern Fantasy Hotel? Far away from civilization? Nearby Outlets or Really Great Thrift Stores?)
Probably either a rural retreat centre or in a small town…mostly due to cost factors. On the other hand, sharing rooms might be fun too.

4. Who would make a great keynote speaker? (That's if #1 leads us in that direction.)

Barbara Brown Taylor leaps to mind. So does Brian Wren…hymn writer extraordinaire. I’ve taken a summer course from him and he has insights into pastoring that go beyond creating worship.

5. Did I leave out something you want to suggest?

Creative time—whether it’s music of some sort—what we create ourselves or a concert we attend—or a knitting/crochet/tatting/needlepoint/whatever circle, or something else.

Covenanting and Accountability

Coventry Cathedral (ruins)

This morning was the usual monthly breakfast for the United Church clergy here in River City. Due to a fortuitous series of circumstances (and two good friends), I have been lucky enough to have been "adopted" as part of this group. I think I know as much about what's going in the UCC as I do in the MCC.

Anyway, we discussed continuing the breakfasts during the summer, as many people go away or have fewer services during the summer. I mentioned that I had hoped to take the first weekend in August off, as our GLBT Pride celebration is the weekend before and the church is having all kinds of special events, including hosting one of our denomination's evangelists and a concert... However, a couple wanted to have their wedding that weekend, and finances being what they are, I couldn't turn it down.

But, I said this morning to a group of clergy (I should have known better), "I AM going to take a week off in August and do something special."

So now they are holding me accountable for that.

I love fellow clergy.

Oops. I did it again, didn't I?
(No, I'm not channeling Britney here)

OK. You folks can hold me accountable too.

Now. Can someone offer ideas on where to go? I'd love to visit England again...my son was there with his father last year, and it reminded me of how much I loved it when I was there before. I have a couple of friends there I could visit, my niece and her family moving to Oxford, places I haven't been, things I've read about since. I haven't been to Coventry, for example. I haven't been to the Lake District or the Isle of Man or northern Wales. I want to see some literary sites, like Haworth Parsonage (the Brontes) and Lichfield (Samuel Johnson) and Bath again (Jane Austen) and Portsmouth (Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey-Maturin novels). I haven't been to Gloucester or Birmingham or Manchester or Sheffield, for that matter. I haven't seen the Millennium Dome. I want to go back to York. And of course there's London... But the issue there is cost. And I don't think a week would be long enough, given that list.

I could go to my favourite retreat center...I've been talking about going back there. I could visit friends in California. Or go to Cottage Country. Well, nix that last one. I don't think I want to do that one alone. The others would be fine alone.

I have thought about taking my vacation at home...but being part-time, that's too much like just being at home.

Well, I've got a couple of months to think about it. And to take your ideas into consideration. Best idea (i.e., value for money) wins my undying gratitude. Anyone who figures out how I can get to England for a week or two without going into massive debt gets a photo of me with an overjoyed smile at their favourite GB landmark!

Now there's an inducement...

But I will be taking that week off....somewhere.

The Big C...

(I have to preface this with the warning that this is really a draft, so it may be incoherent in parts. I did try to proof it, so spelling should be OK.)

Commitment… Yeah, it’s a big word, and one lots of people run away from. I’ve been faced with several instances of commitment (or lack thereof) recently.

As some of you are aware, my ol’ faithful laptop went terminal recently. It was constantly crashing, the screen was flickering and flashing, it couldn’t handle the new programs I wanted to load, etc., etc. Now this is partly my fault, that things came to this pass. Back in February, the screen began flickering from time to time, but it would steady after a while. I did nothing about looking into a new laptop, figuring it had been a few loose wires and all was copacetic. But then it started up again in March, and rather than take warning, I pretended it could be fixed. I didn’t even start researching replacements. So when it finally gave out pretty much completely last week, I was faced with having to research and replace it in short order. I managed it, and I’m working now with a very nice new laptop…the screen is bigger and brighter now with amazing graphics, and faster access speeds and a whole gig of RAM and 120 gig of space on my hard drive. How will I ever use it all up? There are outlets on all sides for the mike and earbuds and thumb drives and an infrared port and even a remote control. The only thing I don’t have on this one, I think , is a built-in web cam…as my friend Brit Boy reminded me the other day. Which is probably just as well, to be honest, pace Brit Boy. The number of people who would actually want to watch me writing a sermon or answering email has to be vanishingly small. And yes, I'm very aware there are other activities that can be viewed on webcams...the number of people who would be interested in that on my webcam is even smaller than the number who would want to watch me write sermons. Anyway, the new machine is great. I wish I had bought it three months ago.

I was over-committed to my old computer. I was so comfortable with where everything was, and how the programs worked, and I was used to the cranky “e” key (although my email and instant-message correspondents might disagree with that), that I didn’t even notice all the other issues. So…time for a new commitment. Yes, I’m spending way more time than I really have re-arranging things, trying to find my files and programs that I transferred, and so on…but I am already finding how much easier life is with a functional—a really functional—computer.

Commitment in the church is another issue. Sometimes our members get over-committed—they try to do everything that they see needs doing, and their plate gets piled way too high, and they end up burning out and leaving, or just tossing all the projects on the pastor’s desk, saying they need a break and they’re going to just sit in the pews for a while. On the other hand, there are folks who come week after week to church, without doing anything else. I haven’t seen this latter issue in my current congregation, I hasten to add—but I have seen it elsewhere.

And then I think about relationships (“We all want ‘em. We all got ‘em. What are we gonna do with ‘em?” as Jimmy Buffet says). Obviously, different levels of relationship require different levels of commitment. Your life partner, to whom you have—yes, made a commitment—clearly is at a different level of importance than the salesperson on the telephone. But sometimes things get trickier…the budding relationship that one person wants to make more intimate earlier than the other person does…the brief but intense relationship that is hard to explain to others, but is nonetheless very real to the two of you…the friendship of many years that is fading, but that nonetheless you feel tied to…the family relationships that you couldn’t imagine living without…all of them have varying levels of commitment.

The one thing all these have in common, though, is reciprocity (well, except for the laptop issue; I don’t think my laptop had any commitment to me). It’s very difficult to be committed to someone who is not committed to you. To always be the friend who drops everything and rushes to the side of a friend in crisis, to give up whole weekends to church work without acknowledgment, to feel a deeper (or lesser) commitment to someone than the other person feels to you, to be told by someone that they are committed to you, but not to see it in practice…there’s a lack of reciprocity here.

I don’t know what the answer to any of this is…I’m just musing here.

Perhaps it’s a matter of being sure you mean it when you make a commitment to someone or something, being slow to make that commitment until you are sure…and being able to relinquish it if the other party is not, in fact, as committed to the relationship or project as you are. To be able to let go when you need to of a relationship, a commitment. But to be careful about making those commitments, because it can be very difficult to let go of them—computers, church, or relationships.

Playing Catch-Up

Well, hello.

Computer issues, minor congregational issues, a friend in crisis....what's a blogger to do?

I now have a shiny new laptop that doesn't crash. It hasn't resolved the other issues, but I do feel better.

I promise to post later today or tomorrow with an update. Until then, here it is in a nutshell:

Commitment issues.

Details at 11.