It’s a Friday, so you know that has to mean a Friday Five…

Here’s the Holy Week Five, as created by Reverend Mother:

1. Will this Sunday be Palms only, Passion only, or hyphenated?
We’re doing the hyphenated version. I’m trying my hand at stitching together two services—a palm service and a passion service—with Communion as the seam joining them. It means I have to be very creative about the Communion prayer and consecration, and our musician is searching desperately for music that help serve as a bridge…but rather than jump too abruptly from one to the other, Communion can be a bridge. When I have a complete order of service, I’ll post it. I’m lucky in that the congregation is willing to let me experiment a bit…within certain limits, of course. There will be two readings, and two meditations, tied together in some fashion. I think around letting things be incomplete, untidy—we don’t know whether the crowd on one Sunday was the same people as Friday’s mob; it matters, but we can’t know. We have to just sit with that, and acknowledge the contradictions within ourselves. And then the Crucifixion—that’s not the way things are supposed to go in a good story. If Luke were a Disney story, the crowd on Palm Sunday would have taken over the palace, kicked out the Romans, and made Jesus king. But that’s not the reality, and so we have to accept that too—that Jesus was Crucified and no angels came to rescue him. He was killed, he was dead. We have to accept that. The reading for the second part of the service isn’t the passion story; it’s the account by David Mundy of his partner’s agonizing death as a result of AIDS. Mundy says he had to accept it, to sit with George’s death, every step of the way with him. And that is what he suggests we need to do with the Crucifixion, too. Very powerful, moving stuff. I’m going to want to tread carefully, as some of our members are HIV+, others have lost friends and loved ones to HIV/AIDS—it’s going to stir some memories. But they know as well as I do that we cannot forget. And what better time to remember the ones we loved who are no longer with us than at Easter when we also remember the One who conquered death?

2. Maundy Thursday Footwashing: Discuss.
One of those things that works better in theory than in practice. The alternative, handwashing, is even worse (who washed his hands on Maundy Thursday/Good Friday?).

3. Share a particularly meaningful Good Friday worship experience.
This is very sad. I can’t com up with one. I can imagine all kinds of services that would b moving and powerful—but they haven’t been done. The problem is that when I'm leading worship, I can’t (or I don’t) allow myself to be drawn completely into the experience. I’m always focussing on the next thing, on the logistics of getting to point A to point B—I can’t relax and go with the flow. So for the last ten years, at least, I’ve been leading or assisting with worship on Good Friday (always a good thing to give to the clergy candidate or intern or seminary student..). The service this year will be very powerful, I think—modified stations of the cross, with “Were you there…” a verse at a time, as appropriate (solo), with some other hymns and prayers (including one from the Q’uran and one from a Jewish Kaddish). We end with the Seven Last Words as a litany (the congregation saying Jesus’ words), and then the last verse of the solo…”Were you there when they laid him in the tomb? Were you there when they laid him in the tomb….” Trailing into silence, unfinished. And we all leave in silence.

4. Easter Sunrise Services--choose one:
a) "Resurrection tradition par excellence!"
b) "Eh. As long as it's sunrise with coffee, I can live with it."

And as long as Eastr isn’t too early in the year…I’ve been to far too many frozen Sunrise Services to stand it. Can we keep it indoors?
c) "[Yawn] Can't Jesus stay in the tomb just five more minutes, Mom?!?"

5. Complete this sentence: It just isn't Easter without...
Spring flowers all over the altar! The altar guild at one church used to literally create a garden in the chancel on Easter Sunday (I think they spent most of Easter Saturday working on it) with cedar edging and the lilies, azaleas, tulips, hyacinths and hydrangeas arranged just so. Stunning. They should have gotten together with my friend who created a tomb out of papier mache that he used on Good Friday for a tomb, and then on Easter it became the altar for Communion…also very cool. It would have ben visually stunning to combine the two.

Bonus: Any Easter Vigil aficionados out there? Please share.
If they are done well, yes. That and if I have a sympathetic companion to help me get there in the first place, and then keep me company all the way through. Otherwise I’d wuss out at the last minute.

Still Guilty...

...Only now I'm feeling a tad guilty because I'm sitting here working on this instead of going to bed as I really should be.

But I do feel a responsibility to my readers (hello? all three of you there?), especially since I missed out on last Friday's meme--which I really meant to do, but somehow suddenly Friday was gone and I hadn't written it, and Saturday, when I could have used a distraction from the sermon, I...forgot. Which I find amazing, considering I used to do them (you'll pardon the pun) religiously. I haven't been able to do the reading for the blog either.

So what have I been doing, you may well ask? I wish it were big exciting things, but it's just not. Mostly some basic strategic administrative things I should have been doing all along. That and now that I live alone, I have to do all the housework--house is the same size and many things need to don just as often (laundry, dishes) even if there aren't as many to b done, and some things just don't change (yard work, feeding the dog). I am trying to focus on catching up with my reading, so maybe that's part of it.

I've done some more looking into doctoral programs, and the DMin programs don't seem to offer enough of the meaty theological stuff that I want, but the PhD programs seem to require a reading knowledge of one (if not two) languages beyond English. It makes sense, especially for a theology degree, but still....the thought of learning another language is a tad scary. I can squeak by in German, I think, with some brush-up and some vocabulary expansion. My German vocab leans more towards art, sailing, and food then Schliermacher, Moltmann and Barth, I'm afraid....It's what I was into when I lived in Germany, what can I say? SO there's on, but the other? Please don't ask me to learn French, I've tried and I cannot get the accent....Oh, wait. This is a READING knowledge...so maybe I could learn it. I have Francophone friends, perhaps they would help me with tutoring (not that kind of help and not that kind of friend--by some odd coincidence, they are all gay men. [puzzled look]).

Anyway, I'm rambling now, and I've done that rare thing, an off-the-cuff blog entry (rare for me).

So--good things to look forward to--dinner out with a friend Thursday, friends over for dinner Friday, my son arriving Saturday, Palm Sunday on Sunday, to my mother's Sunday and Monday, dinner with still yet more friends on Monday night, a wedding on the next Saturday, Easter, a weekend off spent with my mom and sister and her husband...further ahead, a trip back to Large Capitol City (where TO lives) for his HS graduation and visit with many old friends, our denomination's general conference (which I actually enjoy very much), another wedding, and, looking way ahead to August, a weekend off that I am contemplating expanding into a week and spending at my favourite retreat centre (see my entries from October).

In spite of the glitches and bumps, life is good, you know?

Cottage at GilChrist Retreat Centre...a little taste of Paradise on Earth...
A bit of the woods, the fields, the animals, people...
A bit of meditation and contemplation...
All wrapped in the arms of God.

Guilty, guilty guilty!

I have not posted in so long I feel like a stranger.
Life is my only excuse.
I'm working on one! A post, not an excuse.
Check back later.
In the meantime, I do usually find time to post comments at the RevGalBlogPals (they're a lot shorter).

Friday Five—Haftas and Wannas

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five (courtesy of ReverendMother) is five things I plan to do today and five things I would like to be doing today…

Haftas

1. Sermon preparation

I have a meeting tomorrow which will probably take up much of the afternoon, and a community event I must attend tomorrow night, so I need to get a good start on the sermon today. However, while I’ve done some research and preparation, I have no idea where I’m going with it.

2. Vacuum the house.

My dog, Mr. M., is a Pembroke Welsh corgi. He has a double coat. It is spring, He is shedding both of them at once.

3. Get my laptop to functional mode.

Actually, I’ve already done this one. My laptop’s (my only computer) screen has been flickering and fading. Impossible to do much on it, of course—except that my sermon notes (what I do have), order of service, prayers, etc., are on it. Today I was able to borrow a monitor from a church member who had an extra one lying about. The good news—it works, so the video card in my laptop is OK. The bad news—that means it’s either the wiring or the screen itself. I don’t want to buy a new computer!!

4.Bake cookies for the event tomorrow night.

How can I make chocolate chip cookies green? It’s a St. Patrick’s Day potluck, and we’re supposed to bring green food. I’m seeing a lot of lime jello and key lime pie in my future… I was going to go to the bulk food store and pick out green M&Ms from the bin, but I don’t have time. I refuse to add green food colouring.

5. Reading

I have a book I am supposed to have read for my mentor, and another I’ve been working on for far too long, and several more I’m in the middle of, and then the RevGals are starting a reading blog… Help! So many books, so little time, indeed.

Wannas

1. Read.

Besides the “should” reads (see above), I have some I’m trying to read for myself—those anomalous books that aren’t exactly pleasure reading, in the sense of a mystery novel, but that aren’t really professional reading, either—books I want to read and I enjoy reading…on theology and queer theory and history…

2. Go to bed early.

Like, 10:30 pm would be nice.

3. Finish writing the Good Friday worship service.

It isn’t that far away.

4. Watch a movie.

A friend lent me the DVDs for the first season of “The L Word,” after I mentioned I had seen only a couple of episodes (it’s on at the same time as “ER,” for crying out loud). That was a month ago, I need to get them seen and back to her (no, I can’t pretend to have watched them, because they’re a hot topic and I need to know about them…)

5. Mindless Web surfing

It sounds like a waste of time, but somehow I almost always end up finding some information or a website that I can really use. No today though…

So, I guess it’s time to work on the sermon and Good Friday service, and after dinner bake cookies and vacuum. Maybe I can fit in some reading, too, before 10:30.

See you tomorrow morning bright and early for the preacher’s party!

Back on the Blog Again…

With apologies to Willie Nelson, I think it was…

For the last week or so, I have been operating with great difficulty—my laptop screen was not functioning. It would work for about ten minutes after I turned it on, then flicker and flash until I turned it off. When I turned it back on, it would work for maybe three minutes. And so on. I was pretty much just answering critical email, and nothing more. No journal, worship planning, no Bible study, no Web surfing or sermon research, and certainly no blogging.

Today I was lent a monitor to use—and it works! Which means it’s probably either the wiring or the screen dying. I don’t really want to buy a new laptop, both because of the expense and because it’s such a hassle to get everything working the way I like it. I’ve had this one for five years, and we know each other now.

However, it means I can do the Friday Five! Oh, and a sermon tomorrow. So I’d better get to work…

You Say Tom-ay-toe, I Say Tom-ah-toe…

The RevGalBlogPals Friday Five this week is five things I like (or dislike) that an SO dislikes (or likes). Got that? Good. Here we go…

1. Spinach. This popped right into my head. My mother loves the stuff—I can’t stand it. We had a rotation of vegetables for dinner when I was a kid—peas, green beans, salad, corn, and spinach, with an occasional wax beans, applesauce or canned pears/peaches thrown in. Problem is, it was canned spinach…globby, tasteless and with a texture that made me gag. Mom loved it—she poured vinegar over it, or butter, and ate it up. Ugh. I was always glad she didn’t like liver…

2. Turnips. DP loves turnips, and will eat them in place of potatoes. The first time she made them, she didn’t think to ask me if I liked them. I thought they were odd-looking potatoes and dug in. Well… After that, we cooked a turnip for DP and a potato for RP.

3. Bang-bang-shoot-em-ups, as I call those movies that primarily consist of gun battles, car chases, and helicopters swirling out of a midnight sky to chase Bad Guys. TO and his father love them…I can’t stand them. When they rented one, I’d go in the other room to read. When they went to see one, I’d see something else or go shopping.

4. At one time, TO liked a certain rap star known for his racist, misogynistic and homophobic lyrics. TO wanted to buy a poster of said person for his room (and was of an age when his parents had to approve all purchases).. I usually let him decorate his room as he liked, listen to what he liked—because I remembered from being that age that if your parents don’t object, eventually you realize that the singer/writer/actor is boring. But this time I put my foot down. I sat down with TO and explained why this person’s face was not welcome in my house (this was before I had come out). TO did not want to listen to reason. TO’s father felt “it’s just a poster,” and couldn’t understand my resistance. However, I eventually prevailed, and the poster was not purchased. TO now views that rap star with disdain.

5. I hesitate to mention this one…Beer. DP doesn’t like it at all. I love it. Not your Miller Lite, Budweiser beer, though. I’m more high maintenance when it comes to beer. I like a light pilsner or a good yeasty wheat beer. Hand-crafted, with plenty of flavour. Preferably brewed within five miles as the crow flies, although that’s not an absolute requirement. A honey ale is one of my favourites. Having said all that, I hasten to add that I actually drink about one a week, maybe two if things are rough. I bought a six pack back in early February and I still have one left. Maybe what I want to say is that I don’t drink to get drunk, I drink to enjoy what I’m drinking.

Bonus: Something nobody likes: Tripe. Does anyone actually eat that stuff, or is it like fruitcake that people pretend to like? Something everyone likes: chocolate. At least a little bit… Not that everyone eats it, but everyone likes it.

Friday Five: A Beautiful Thing

Reverendmother at the RevGals is suggesting this Friday Five, about creating....

Creation
by Andrea Ford

1. Would you call yourself "creative"? Why or why not?
Yes, I would. Not in terms of craft-work, perhaps (although once upon a time I did a fair amount of cross-stitch), but in terms of making something new that wasn’t there before. My creative bent is more with words—sermons, prayers, blogs, fiction—and with a garden. The first takes lots of editing—which took me a while to learn. It’s OK to re-write a paragraph or a prayer or a whole sermon completely—that’s how you get to the point where it needs to be. Your first effort is almost never exactly what you want—the discipline and the skill is reworking it—removing, adding, changing—to get it to the place it needs to be. In gardening, creating takes patience. You have a vision, as you do in writing, of the end product, but it takes a lot longer. And you have to be willing to partner with Nature—you may think Four O’Clocks would be perfect in a certain corner, but if it gets too hot there, they will never grow, and your vision has to be altered. Sometimes you don’t know until you’ve tried something whether it will work or not (whether you’re writing or gardening), and you have to be willing to uproot/delete what just isn’t working. Maybe you move it to another bed/piece of writing, but you take it out of the place where it doesn’t work.

2. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you currently do that you'd like to develop further.
As every even semi-regular reader of this blog knows, I want to write more, be published, get my ideas out there and get some feedback. I do get some here, and that’s great—but I think there’s maybe a wider audience out there.

3. Share a creative or artistic pursuit you have never done but would like to try.
I’d love to try working with stained glass. I see so many nice things—suncatchers, panels for screens, windows, church pieces—that I’d love to know more about how they are made and the limitations and the freedoms of stained glass.

4. Complete this sentence: "I am in awe of people who can _____________."
Compose music. Oh, I once pasted together a simple psalm response for a seminary class (pass/fail, luckily), but anyone who can work not only with multiple chords and harmony but different instruments and voices, who is familiar with the different keys and when you might want to use one over another…I am awed.

5. Share about a person who has encouraged your creativity, who has "called you to your best self." (I'm pretty sure that's from the Gospel of Oprah).
Oh, my. I can’t name one person. I have been blessed with many people who have encouraged and supported and praised my efforts, from my mother’s praise for my elementary school poetry to professors in library school who appreciated my more creative papers to seminary professors who encouraged me to create liturgies to my colleagues and superiors now who compliment my sermons and worship services to the readers of this blog who say, “Well done,” or “beautiful,” or “this post was so moving.” If I don’t make my creative goals, it won’t be for lack of encouragement and support!

Just Another Brick in the Wall…

As some of you know, my ministry is going through a rough patch right now. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in ministry, lay and ordained (admittedly, mostly the former), I’ve been in the work force a while, I didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday. But the last few months have been the most difficult I have ever endured, by far.

Back in November, I went to a denominational conference. I had a wonderful time—worked my surplice off, but I had a great time. I learned good stuff; attended amazing worship; connected with old friends, renewed friendships, and made new friends; raised my profile among my colleagues (which may or may not be a Good Thing); and was energized to come back and put some of those new ideas into place.

I came back and hit a brick wall.

Now, people who know me will tell you—I’m not exactly the bulldozer type. I didn’t come back and try to impose stuff on people. I don’t lead by commanding folks to fall in line. If anything, I’m too much the opposite—I try to seek consensus when sometimes I should just lay down the law. So the wall didn’t come from resistance to my insistence. Perhaps the wall had been there all along, and I just hadn’t noticed it until I was away for a while, getting some affirmation and opening myself to new opportunities and ideas, getting some support for who I am and the work I’m doing. And then when I came back, all charged up and ready to go, there it was, in the way.

It hurt big time.

And I have continued to beat against that brick wall. RDQ and I were going to dive into new ministry patterns together…I think I jumped into an empty pool.

It’s gotten a bit better in the last few days—a lifeline or two has been thrown my way, and I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel—unless it’s an oncoming train (to mix metaphors beyond belief).

On my other blog, Lavender Chronicles, I’m talking about the possibility of a doctorate. For a while I wondered if my interest was related to my recent frustrations, and it is, but not in terms of a way out of this situation. It’s not that I’m contemplating running away to a doctoral program to avoid dealing with this situation. I’m very clear that I’m not leaving here voluntarily. It’s more that considering the possibility of a doctoral degree gives me a focus beyond this congregation, reminds me that there are other options out there just in case, gives me a constructive project to work on aside from and away from the congregation. If I want to do this PhD thing (not DMin, probably) in two years (more or less), I have to start catching up on reading, try to get a reading knowledge of another language (or two), and decide if I want to do this and how and where. It gets my head out of the pain and difficulty of where I am, of the things that I can’t control or even influence. Call that escapism if you will. It’s my reality at the moment.

Friday Five: Companions for the Journey

The RevGalBlogPals Friday Five this week is five companions for your journey.

I’m not sure how to look at this: my life’s journey, my Lenten journey, a trip in general? Some of them would be the same anyway, so here goes:

1. A mentor and former professor of mine, Denise. She is a gifted Biblical scholar, a warm, insightful and sensitive human being. When I was once going through a difficult time in my ministry, she told me (yes, it is burned into my memory, because it has served me well many times), “On your worst day, you are better than they could ever have expected.” I have actually travelled with her, under some trying circumstances, and I must say she bore the difficulties with more grace than I did. She also plays a mean hand of Hearts, always useful on a trip.

2. My friend Dan. He too, is warm and insightful, not to mention supportive. He can see the humour in almost any situation, and get you (or me, at least) to that place as well. I have travelled with him, too, and he is a definite plus for a trip--he can always find the good restaurants!

3. My mom. She loves to travel—metaphorically and in reality—and is a great companion on the way. It doesn’t seem to matter how recently we spoke—when one of us calls, we generally talk for an hour or so—about family, the meaning of Communion in different denominations, the play she saw last week with a friend, and the issues and concerns and frustrations of life. Her pastor thanked me once—she said that my mom was one of her most appreciative parishioners, because Mom knows what pastors deal with, because of her conversations with me. We can travel together down almost any path.

4. Believe it or not, my dog. He’s not much for long walks (his legs are too short), but he’s a wonderful companion on the road of life. He likes to cuddle against my feet (keeping them warm) when I'm reading, he listens well and doesn’t ask too many questions, he doesn’t demand his own way all the time, if I don’t get home on time, he doesn’t complain, he loves to ride in the car, and if he gets two square meals a day, he’s very happy.

5. Tall One, my son. Yes, he’s hard to get up in the morning, but he’s a great conversationalist, and he sees things many of us miss. He’s also fairly adaptable and willing to try new foods (and new activities, if they are represented in a “cool” way). Not to mention that I don’t see enough of him anyway, so travelling with him in any way, shape or form is a plus.

This has been a week of sheer h*ll, so it is no mistake that all these people are supportive and nurturing!

Travel!!!

Reverendmother’s Friday Five meme at the RevGalBlogPals is all abut getting out of town… So here we go!

1. What is one place you make sure to take out-of-town guests when they visit? (you can be vague to preserve your anonymity if you like)

Here in River City, we have an amazing waterfront. At one time in the city’s history, it was covered with docks, stores, etc. Now it is a miles-long park, with sculpture gardens, playgrounds, topiary, snack bars, fishing spots, fountains, benches, etc. Every year in late June, there is an amazing fireworks display over the river—a joint presentation of River City and Big American City Over There. They’re celebrating JuneTeenth (the celebration of the Emancipation Proclamation ending slavery in the US) and the Fourth of July—we’re celebrating Canada Day. Everyone in River City, pretty much, goes to the river that afternoon/evening and watches. The best fireworks I have ever seen—and I’ve seen plenty. So I would take (and do take) visitors to see the riverfront, but if they are here at the right time, they see the fireworks, too.

2. When visiting another city or town, do you try to cram as much in as possible, or take it slow and easy?

That would depend on why I’m there. If I’m in town for a conference and have an afternoon when none of the sessions appeals to me, I’ll leave the conference and do some sight-seeing. But if I’m there on vacation, I try not to schedule too much at one time—it is my vacation, after all!

3. When traveling, where are we most likely to find you: strolling through a museum, checking out the local shopping, or _________________?

Probably the museum or historical sites. The other alternative is just wandering the streets, getting a feel for the place, maybe sitting in a sidewalk café reading the local paper (assuming it’s in a language I can read!).

4. Do you like organized tours and/or carefully planned itineraries, or would you rather strike out and just see what happens?
I try to strike a balance between planning—so I get to see what I want to see—and spontaneity, so that I can take advantage of opportunities, or take an afternoon off if I want/need to. That unplanned part of a trip may be the most memorable part!

5. After an extended trip, what do you find yourself craving most about home?

My bed. That and my own dresser/closet. I get very tired of unpacking and repacking. I took a two-week trip through England, Wales and Scotland once, travelling by train. About halfway through I realized I had brought way too many clothes. Now I make a point of packing half of what I think I need—and twice the cash!

The photo is of Salisbury Cathedral in England, and yes, I did take this one myself, from a bridge over a small stream near the cathedral. The light was amazing that day--we went from Salisbury out to Stonehenge, and I got some great photographs there as well.

Blessing of Relationships

(On the Sunday closest to Valentine's Day, I like to do a Blessing of Relationships, which recognizes all the relationships that are important to us. Here's what I'm doing this year; it will be right after the sermon)

Today we celebrate the relationships in our lives—those relationships that bring us joy, that nurture and support us, that bring us comfort and love and hope. Perhaps that is your relationship with a partner—Valentine’s Day is coming up. But these supportive and loving relationships can be with a friend, as I feel supported and loved by my friends, or by family--my mother and son and my sisters and my uncles. Whoever it is, bring those people to your mind now, name them in your heart….

(Pause)

Holy One, pour out your grace and love on us and on our relationships—all our relationships. We thank and praise you for those that nurture us, that give us hope and joy. Bless us, bless our relationships—with partners and spouses, with friends and loved ones and families, with those we know well, and those we are coming to know, with our co-workers and with our fellow-members in this congregation and in your church around the world. Where our relationships have become tattered or broken, heal and repair our hearts and spirits, knit us again into your pattern of love. Give us grace always to thank you, the source of all love and blessings, for all the relationships in our lives. In all your many names, amen.

Sing, Sing a Song...

This week’s Friday Five from Songbird at RevGalBolgPals is an American Idols edition!

Here we go…

1) If I could sing like anyone, it would be either Josh Groban or Judy Collins. That clear, effortless soaring voice is what I aspire to (and rarely achieve).

2) I would love to sing the song--no, I can’t name just one. There are some I think I sing better than others—the Alleluia from Shrek, The Highwayman (Loreena McKennitt version), to name two; and some that are just way too much fun—I Know What Boys Want (The Waitresses), Lucky (Melissa Etheridge), When You’re Good to Mama (from Chicago), and I Am What I Am (many versions). I wish I could sing well enough to sing the Pié Jesú from John Rutter’s
Requiem.

3) It would be really cool to sing at Wolf Trap Farm Park (outside Washington, DC) or the Kennedy Center, or Madison Square Garden, or Red Rocks Amphitheatre (near Denver, Colorado) or the Hollywood Bowl, or at the General Conference of my denomination.

4) If I could sing a dream duet it would be with k d lang (see hot photo above), Josh Groban, or my sister, whose voice is stunning.

5) If I could sing on a TV or radio show, it would be probably the last time that show was ever on the air! I would love to have sung on the Carol Burnett show… maybe Saturday Night Live in its heyday during the 80s.

Still Breathing...

Hello out there....

Yes, I am still here. Not likely to go anywhere, either, with the cold outside.

Haven't had time for blogging--my time and energy were used up elsewhere this week, and then I took a much-needed mental health weekend.

But I'm back, and I think I'm comin' out swingin', so beware! I am so over being accommodating!

Hoo hah, Tawanda!!

(To be continued....)

Friday Five: Ways to Relax

Just in time for the weekend, here's the RevGalBlogPals Friday Five--on relaxing.

Four ways I take a break or relax:

1. Read a good book. Not a professional book, not preparation for the next Bible study, not the one that my mentor recommended, but a fun book, on a topic that interests and absorbs me. Preferably done with a mug of a hot beverage (winter) or on the porch with iced tea (summer).

2. When I could afford it, I used to have a manicure every other week; and once every six weeks or so, a pedicure. I loved having hands that looked nice and toes that were clipped, and it was so nice to just sit and think of nothing. Also, the pedicure chairs were massaging… And in connection with an earlier Matriarch question—one family (at a previous church) gave me a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure package for Christmas. Now THAT was appreciated!

3. This is much like No.1: bookstore or library browsing. Just wandering, looking at all the different books, reading a chapter or two here or there, trying to remember the title of the book someone mentioned last week that sounded good…sneaking in a little “guilty pleasure” in the “true crime” section…checking out the latest feel-good title in the Christianity section. It’s all good. And if I can keep myself from buying any of them, so much the better!

4. Games, usually on the computer. The thing is, though, I feel guilty, like I’m wasting time instead of taking a break. At least with the other three items, I can at least feel like I’ve accomplished something—polished nails, read a book, etc. But what do I have at the end of a long session of Mah Jongg? Zip, except maybe feeling a bit relaxed. Which tells me maybe I need to find another way to relax.

One way I would like to try relaxing:

Regular massage. I have a friend who is a massage therapist, and when I visit, I get a freebie ½ hour (we’ve been friends for forty years now…that earns a free one, I think!). I would love to have that experience on a regular basis, say weekly, an hour at a time. I once heard a pastor I respect greatly say that he trusted in the Holy Trinity: his psychotherapist, his doctor, and his massage therapist. Between the three, he felt they kept his mind, body and spirit in balance.

What I did to relax once upon a time:

Ride my bike. We lived near a forest with paved paths, and I loved to bicycle through it. Exercise, out of the house, fresh air—all good things

Dance. I used to do Jazzercise ™ and I would also just dance when we were out for the evening. I could use my knee injury last summer and my (ahem) injury more recently as excuses, but it’s been longer ago than that since I stopped.

Meditate or pray. Fact is, I’m so chronically short on sleep I’m afraid I might fall asleep if I stopped and closed my eyes!

Write. I do blog (obviously!!), but not as often as I would like. And I do have those books in my head that I keep talking about. And then there are prayers and poems and stories rattling around, too.

So—one of the ways I do relax is not really making me happy. Time to get out of that rut! Clearly I need to get more exercise, and I need to reconnect to the other things that I used to enjoy. Right now, other things are taking my energy and likely to for a few weeks—but by spring, perhaps I’ll be able to add a few of those used-tos, and maybe even the wish-I-could!

Time Management

(I wrote this Saturday, but such was my state of mind that it never made it to Blogger...so here it is, a few days late...)

Well, in a sermon-procrastinating move, I want to talk about time and how pastors use it. Or more accurately, how our congregations perceive we use time—or abuse it.

We’ve all heard how many members think that pastors work one day a week, Sunday, when all they have to do is read a sermon and drink some coffee in the social hour, and maybe do a few hospital calls during the week. I don’t think very many people really think that, at least, not any more.

However, I have met people who think that 20 hours a week is plenty of time for a pastor to do all that s/he has to do for a congregation. Again, shuffle a few papers, go to a meeting or two, write a sermon (that only takes a couple of hours, right?), talk to the musician, and there you go. Done, right? Even people who should know better often fall into this mistake, through sheer lack of thinking about what a pastor does.

I try to keep close track of what I do everyday (it’s why I need the two-page-per-day Day Timer, in paper, please)—so that I can point to Thursday and show an hour’s worth of email responses, three hours on the sermon, a two-hour community meeting, and two hours of preparation for Christian Ed. Of course, that doesn’t show the phone calls during the sermon preparation or the conversation with a church member during the research for Christian Ed that lasted ten minutes but reassured them.

Pastors’ lives are not easily parceled out like other professionals. A lawyer or accountant or psychiatrist can show a full appointment book, or time spent on a certain client’s case (one hour on Smith, two and a quarter on Jones). A doctor has appointments, and so many patients seen each office day. A teacher has classroom time and preparation time—although these do run together sometimes. But how to divide out a pastor’s time? How to demonstrate that the time recorded as spent on a certain activity really was spent that way? Meetings and appointments are easy—the minutes or memories of others present will show that the pastor really was there and the appointment did last for an hour. But sermon prep? Or for classes?

Part of the difficulty may be because “sermon prep” isn’t easy to separate from everything else we do. The people we see, the magazines we read, the shows we watch on TV, a movie, a book, a conversation—they spark and inspire our sermons, they give us a lead into what we want to say. And often when we sit down to actually write, the words don’t come, and we struggle for hours to get a couple of paragraphs on paper. And so when people say, “That sermon took you eight hours to write?” we cringe, because we know we should have spent ten or twelve or however many is our personal standard. But what they mean is, “How could you have spent so much time and come up with so little?”

I have often wished that every Board member or prospective Board member, or any member, for that matter, could “shadow” me for a day, just to see what it is I really do, and how I do it.

Which brings me to a related point. Some mentors have suggested posting office hours, so that members know when they can reach you. Others say that’s a bad idea, because then if you get called out or have an appointment outside the building, and you’re not there “when you said you would be,” there’s unhappiness. I have heard various percentages held up as the ideal amount of time to have office hours (15%, 40%, whatever). Of course, if you are lucky enough to have a good church secretary, some of this is eased. A good secretary (and I was blessed with one when I was an intern) will protect you and your office hours. But many of us aren’t that lucky.

I don’t want to go as far as one pastor I know, who lists office hours, and what she will be doing during them (i.e., Monday—off, Tuesday—Office 11-2, 3-5, Wednesday—Sermon preparation, etc.). On the other hand, to leave people with no idea of when they can reach you, or when you might be available to them, doesn’t seem right either. So I personally settle for something in between—I state my office hours, but caution people to call first as I “may have been called out of the office.”

I won’t even go into the whole issue of boundaries, and how many hours we work vs how many hours we are paid to work…

Friday Five--The Journalist's Questions!

Who
Me

What
A sermon

When
Today

Where
At the dining room table because the bench is more comfortable for my—injury.

Why
Ummmm. Ultimately, because God called me to this work. More immediately, because that’s what my contract calls for.

Bonus How
I wish I knew!

Inching Through the Week...

Still hurting Wednesday, so went to the walk-in clinic (I had called my doctor and the receptionist chirped, "The doctor can see you Monday!"). The clinic doctor pointed out that even if my tailbone is cracked/broken, it can't exactly be put in a cast. She recommended soft pillows to sit on and lots of Motrin.

She offered no advice about how to bend over (to pick up the cat food bowls, or to do the laundry, or to get a book off the bottom shelf), to get upstairs (or down), in and out of a car, or any of the other things I used to take for granted and will not now. She was, however, very sympathetic--I have a feeling I'm not the only person she's seen with this complaint this week, after the ice we had over the weekend.

And exciting news--the church is on the front page of the local GLBT paper! We're celebrating our 19th anniversary this weekend, and the reporter who was invited to cover the dinner was intrigued by the idea that lots of US couples cross the border to be married in Canada, and come to us. One of the couples I married recently was interviewed, and an opinion piece I wrote in response to one of his interview questions was printed separately, as a "Viewpoint" column. Used a terrible photo of me, although we sent him a better one... But it's very exciting, because the paper wants to extend its coverage in River City, so we get to ride on those coattails.

And DP is coming home tonight...

Pain and Irritation

Well, I’m reflecting today on how little things can make a big difference.

See, we had freezing rain here in River City Saturday night into Sunday morning. I peeked out the window Sunday morning about nine as I was preparing to go to Landlord Church for a preaching gig. It looked like wet pavements, dripping trees, etc.—in other words, the freezing part was over and the rain part had begun. Forgetting that cement doesn’t warm up very quickly, I started down the front steps with briefbag over my shoulder, umbrella in one hand, and prop for the children’s story in the other hand. You will have noticed, I’m sure, that I did not leave a hand for the railing on the way down.

Indeed, I slid handle over teakettle down those fireplacing steps, hitting every one of the four of them on the way down. When the world stopped bouncing, I had a wet tush (from the wet steps), strained muscles in my shoulders, back, and neck (from trying to catch myself) and a bruised tailbone (from guess what). By the end of the day, I could barely walk, let along haul myself up the stairs to bed (see strained shoulders).

All this is not to garner sympathy (well, maybe a little). But after all, there are a lot of people with worse health issues than mine out there. I can handle it—I’ll get better in a day or so.

The thing is, such a minor thing as a bruised tailbone makes a huge difference in how I look at things today.

I had planned some closet cleaning, dog grooming, and laundry for today. None of those things are going to happen, because I cannot haul clothes in and out of the closet, I cannot carry the laundry basket up and down the stairs, and I most certainly cannot get down on the floor to groom the dog (they would find my skeleton in the spring, brush in one hand and clippers in the other, desperately reaching for the counter in order to pull myself up).

My back-up plan, as of last night, was to work on sermons for the next couple of weeks. My shoulders vetoed the hunched-over-the-computer thing. They are complaining about blogging, in fact.

So how about reading? Nope—there’s no comfortable position that will also allow me to hold a book and read.

It’s a minor thing, this pain—just some really bad aches, in fact. But they are such bad aches I’m pretty much motionless. I’ve had worse pain—but it’s never been so inconvenient. I am newly awakened to sympathy for those who have severe arthritis and back problems.

Those of you who can move easily, who are pain-free, whose loved ones are pain-free, rejoice!

The rest of us will take our Advil and lie quietly.

Friday Five—Living Five Countdown…

Reverend Elder Troy Perry, founder, Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches

In the spirit of the RevGalBlogPals Friday Five Countdown, here are five people (all of them living, as far as I know) whom I admire. Some names have been changed, because I cannot contact those people and ask them if it’s OK to use them…

5. Mom
My mother is an amazing woman. If she reads this (and I think she does from time to time) she’ll probably be embarrassed, but I admire her greatly. Twice in her life she was a single mother, once in very painful circumstances, but she raised all five of us (myself and four sisters) with grace, integrity and a sense of possibility. When I got married, I left university to do so. Many of my friends said I would never be able to go back. They didn’t know the values Mom instilled in us—be the most that you are capable of, do the best job possible, know who you are and live up to that ideal. It’s a measure of her success as a parent that all five of us think we’re her secret favourite. When fundanuts pontificate about a child needing two parents, I think of my mother. She did good.

4. Dave Jones (not his real name)
Part of the process of ordination in my denomination requires a team to work with the candidate—identifying each candidate’s challenges, helping the candidate to work through these, supporting the candidate through prayer and presence, and so on. It’s not a light thing to ask someone to be on your team. I came into a church where the only person I knew besides the pastor had just moved (to the other coast), and I needed to find some people to serve on my team. My moving-away friend said, “You want Dave on your team. He would be great.” So I prepared to work to get Dave on my team, although I had never met him. One Sunday—my first there—I preached at my teaching church. I was hoping to make some connections, to start people thinking I was a person they could work with. After the service, as I was shaking hands at the back door, a gentleman came up to me and said, “I’m Dave Jones. I want to be on your team.” That sums up Dave. He sees a need, and if he can take care of it, he does.

More than that, he is not afraid to do what needs to be done—whether it’s investing in the church, supporting a candidate, speaking the truth in Christian love, or reshaping his own life when it’s gone in unhealthy directions. He’s done the latter just recently, and it is a joy to see his returning health. He inspires me to not give up, no matter the obstacles—because of course, just when you get through one set of barriers, another set pops up. He’s taught me, too, the importance of giving back—I have learned, and so I have a responsibility to my teachers to pass on that knowledge. He’s not bitter, in spite of events that could have turned anyone bitter; he’s not angry or controlling or bossy. Dave is simply warm and direct and honest.

3. Christian de la Huerta
Christian is a writer and spiritualist in California, He works mainly with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) community, examining the ways in which we have special gifts to offer the world, especially spiritual gifts. Christian writes so well—his book Coming Out Spiritually is a delight to read just for the way he expresses himself, let alone what he says. He also leads retreats, does breathwork, and creates rituals. Christian opened my mind and heart to a variety of spiritual possibilities and helped me see how they could be incorporated into Christian spirituality. He speaks clearly, openly, and unashamedly about the importance of sex to our lives—everyone’s lives—and decries the separation of the body and spirit that has taken place in Western civilization. He’s also been a personal friend and support, when he really had no reason to be, except for his wise and warm heart.

2. TJ Flanahan (not a real name)
TJ is a composite. I have many transgendered friends whom I admire, so this is a sort of composite portrait of them. TJ knew from an early age that he was different. His parents, who told him he was a girl, also wanted him to stop being a tomboy, and settle into being a sweet little girl. When he was older, and trying to dress to match his feelings about himself, he was attacked and brutally beaten by college boys who thought he was a gay man. Eventually he married and had children, but in the course of time, his pain was too much. His husband left him when TJ began his transition to making his body match his soul. His grown children wanted nothing to do with him and wouldn’t let him see his grandchildren. Today TJ has a loving partner, is active in his church, and is close to retirement from a job he loves. He is accepted as he is, because he has insisted on who he is, and made the world recognize it. In spite of being a target of hatred, ignorance and mistrust, he’s not bitter or angry or fearful. He knows who he is, he knows God knows who he is, and both he and God love TJ just the way TJ is. I admire his courage and strength, and his ability to say, “I’m not going to hate or be angry. I could be, but I choose to be loving instead.” He is one of the most wonderful people I know.

1. Rev. Elder Troy Perry
Troy is the founder of Metropolitan Community Churches. His biography is amazing, and I recommend it to you. He heard God speaking to him, telling Troy to minister to God’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children, and Troy answered, in spite of the hate and prejudice of government, other denominations, and society at large. Troy has no celebrity swelled-head about him. Once you’ve met him, you just call him “Troy.” He will remember you forever, by the way. He’s met me formally once—when I was ushering at a conference where there were at least 1000 people, and probably twenty or thirty ushers. But every time we’ve been in the same room since then he’s come over to me, calling me by name, giving me a hug and a kiss, asking me how the church is going—and he knows where it is and what’s happening there. He is possessed of a love of God, a humility, and a down-to-earth sensibility that are heart-warming. He’s never let the things that have happened to him—some of them outright miracles—go to his head, or the denomination’s head, either. I admire him for his courage to speak truth, to take the consequences, and to keep his feet firmly on the ground during it all.

Looking this list over, I see some common threads. All these people are strong, courageous, and loving in spite of reasons to not be very loving at all. The hardest part was ranking them, because they are all really Number One. They are my heroes and sheroes…may God bless them, every single one.

Birthday Party!

RevGalBlogPals Friday Meme this week is birthdays. As it happens, TO’s 18^th birthday is Sunday…a bittersweet day for his mom, to be sure. And so, in honour of his birthday, I offer this Friday Five!

1. "It's my party and I'll [blank] if I want to..." Favourite way to celebrate your birthday (dinner with family? party with friends? a day in solitude?)
My ideal is sort of s mix. Sleep late (but not too late), brought a mug of coffee in bed (maybe with a splash of Bailey’s or Amaretto?), big breakfast, stretch out on a chaise in the backyard and read most of the day, with a trip to a plant nursery in the afternoon to spend the large gift certificate I received, and the day would be completed with dinner with my nearest and dearest and a long night of….mahjongg, that’s right, mahjongg! Or else a party.

2. "You say it's your birthday... it's my birthday too, yeah..." Do you share your birthday with someone famous? (Click here to find out!)

Oh, yeah—and some good ones! Betty Ford, Julian Lennon, Mary Pickford, Sonja Henie and Kofi Annan!

3. "Lordy Lordy look who's forty..."
Milestone birthdays:
a) just like any other birthday--they're just numbers, people.
b) a good opportunity to look back/take stock
c) enjoy the black balloons--I'll be hiding under a pile of coats until the day is over
d) some combination of the above, or something else entirely.
I’ll take B, Alex…. And it’s also a great chance for a big ol’ party.

4. "Happy birthday, dear... Customer..." Have you ever been sung to in a restaurant? Fun or cringe-worthy?
No, because I have threatened everyone I know with mayhem and death if they so much as breathe a word to any waitstaff anywhere at any time when my birthday is…

5. "Take my birthday--please" Tell me one advantage and one disadvantage about your particular birthday (e.g. birthday in the summer--never had to go to school; birthday near Christmas--the dreaded joint presents). EDITED TO ADD: This could also simply be something you like/dislike about your birthday (e.g. I like sharing a birthday with my best friend, etc.).

I like it because I love spring, and so I get to celebrate it with tulips and daffodils and lilies and green grass, and maybe even outside. Also lots of chocolate!

I dislike it because it often falls during spring break, or even, as this year, on Easter itself. The busiest day of my year and I can’t take it off. Did I mention I’m doing a wedding on Holy Saturday this year? Why didn’t someone stop me?!