Friday Five--24 Hours!

Elrond
(JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings; as portrayed by Hugo Weaving in Peter Jackson's film)

This week’s Friday Five, from RevHRod (who comes up with some of the.best. Friday. Fives.)

1. If you could dramatically change your physical appearance for 24 hours, what would you do?

I’ve always had this double chin thing going on. Even at my thinnest, back at university, I had a really thick neck. Profile shots are horrible, and some face-ons aren’t much better… So, yeah. I’d like to have a real neck and chin. Just to see what it’s like.

2. If you could live in another place for 24 hours where would you go?

This one is difficult. In only 24 hours, you really can’t see or do much. I think I would probably want to go either someplace totally hedonistic, like a cabin in the woods with Strong Heart, or totally altruistic, such as the mission project Strong Heart worked on a couple of years ago in the Dominican Republic. In some ways, just getting away would be a blessing. At the same time, I think I need to experience the realities of life for other people—knowing, of course, that in 24 hours and in that situation, I would still be privileged.

3. You get to do somebody else's job for a day...

I almost said US President, but you know, any changes I made would vanish the next day as soon as Dubya got back. Still it might be nice to have 24 hours when the war stopped, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell went away, a trans-inclusive ENDA was mandated by executive order, and all women’s restrooms were required to have enough stalls.

On the other hand, I’ve often thought about running a combination used-book-store and café (with perhaps a gifty/music shop on the side). I wouldn’t mid trying that for a day.

4. Spend the day with another person from anywhere in time and space...

Well this one’s easy. Strong Heart.

Not that there aren’t other people I’d like to meet and talk with—Joan of Arc, Alexander the Great, Abraham Lincoln, Walt Whitman, k.d. lang, King David (yes, THAT King David), Mahatma Gandhi, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Gandalf, and Elrond, for starters.

5. A magical power is yours. Which one would you pick?

Healing body, mind and spirit. There’s so much pain—I would be so blessed to be able to heal some of it. I was once told by someone who “reads” hands that I am a healer of healers—a meta-healer if you will—and certainly my heart inclines to those in need of healing.

Which partially explains Elrond (keeper of wisdom and healing in JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Ring).

Random Cogitations...

Some thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain since yesterday’s experience…. I was impressed by the hospital staff’s acceptance of my relationship with Strong Heart.

I asked when I checked in, “Is it possible for my partner to come into the examining room with me? I’d like for her to be with me, if possible,” or words to that effect, making it clear that my partner was another woman. The receptionist didn’t blink, just told me I’d have to ask the technician.

So I did. And, again, a simple, “no, there really isn’t room,” was the only reaction.

And then, when the preliminary exam was done and the technician went off in search of the doctor, I asked if it were possible for someone to tell Strong Heart what was going on, or to bring her in so I could—I knew she’d be waiting to hear, out in the waiting room, and as it got to be twenty minutes, then half an hour, I didn’t want her to worry. And again, even though it was clear my partner was a woman, the response was professional and simple—if the doctor isn’t available right away, yes, we’ll let her know.

And the truth is, there really wasn’t room in there for anyone else. And while I was getting undressed/dressed/waiting, at least two other people were also told they couldn’t be with a patient. Both were mother-daughter pairs, and in one case, the (adult) daughter was actually the translator for her non-English-speaking mother. So it wasn’t just us by any means.

So why am I making such a big deal out of this?

Partly because it feels so good to be able to make such a request without a negative reaction, partly because it’s a sign of progress in River City (which tends to be conservative) and partly because it made me think.

Why am I so pleased at simple acceptance? Why do I feel so positively about simply being treated like everyone else?

Obviously, it’s partly because that hasn’t been the case for so many same-sex couples, even recently. And it’s especially poignant when medical issues are involved. When your health or your partner’s is threatened, you want both of you to be present at important moments, whether it’s tests or childbirth or treatment decisions.

But a part of me is annoyed and irritated that I even have to think about it; and that I am, in fact, so pleased at being treated like everyone else.

Why should I even have to think about these things? Why should it be doubtful whether the person who is closest to me, who knows more about what I want and need than anyone (except perhaps my son and my mother), is permitted to be with me when I need her?

I don’t really have answers to these questions…just thinking them over and putting them out there.

Good News!

First, I have to thank all of you for your prayers, comments, thoughts and support yesterday. I could feel the positive energy all the way over here in River City...thank you all so very much.

The ultrasound showed a cyst, which they drained. Further tests will be done, to be sure it wasn’t precancerous, but it’s looking good. And I have only a band-aid! The technician and doctor were great, very professional and yet caring. The procedure room was so small, though, that Strong Heart wasn’t permitted to be with me...the only downside.

Again, many thanks and blessings to you all for healing energies, for prayers, for thoughts and for encouragements….What a wonderful blogring this is!

It's Nothing?

Well OK. I’m taking a deep breath and jumping about putting this out there. I don’t usually like to talk about this sort of thing, but I may—just may—need all the support I can get. On the other hand, this may (I hope will!) be a tempest in a teapot. But just in case it isn't.

I’m having an ultrasound mammogram on Tuesday. Yes, there’s a lump. It feels huge to me—somewhere between an almond and a walnut. My doctor seemed a bit alarmed (I have a family history of breast cancer), but not overly so. She scheduled me for the procedure “ASAP” which is a step above "urgent" but not "emergency." She also warned me that depending on findings, they may want to do a biopsy then and there. I’ve had a biopsy before—it was not pleasant or fun and the fear of the results made it even less so.

So this may be nothing. That’s the attitude I’m trying to cultivate—just a test to make sure everything’s fine, which it is, blah blah blah.

The plus side—if there is one—is that the few non-blog friends I’ve shared this with have been uniformly caring and supportive in their various ways—holding me in prayers, reassuring me, promising me support. And Strong Heart has been simply stellar. Words fail me to describe just how, but she has been. “The sacrament of presence” pretty much covers it.

So friends—if you also would keep me in prayer on Tuesday, I will be very grateful. “For prayer avails much.”

Postscript: In rereading, I have realised how ungracious I sound about my friends. You are on the plus side of this, every one of you. Especially SH, who is going to be there with me on Tuesday.

A Moving Tale....

(sorry, I couldn't resist the pun...)

Mother Laura over at the RevGals offers this as the meme for today’s Friday Five. I haven’t done one in a while, but I am a veteran mover, so here goes.

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time?

Let’s see…from birth? Sixteen, not counting back and forth to university. Four of those were overseas moves (States to Germany and back, twice). Yeah, I’ve had some experience in it—not as much as some of my friends, but a fair amount!

The last time was the move to River City, and it was such a nightmare that I don’t want to move again, even just down the street! A lost driver’s licence, rain, mountains, an international border, an overloaded truck….Yeah. Not a memory I cherish.

2. What do you love and hate about moving?

I love the adventure of it—the sense of a new start, even if it’s just down the hall or across town. The opportunity to clear out junk—both literal and metaphorical—and rearrange my home and my life. There’s so much to discover and explore about the new place, that it almost makes up for the hassles.

I hate the unpacking and settling in—not being able to find anything, whether it’s to wear or cook with. Well and the packing before, too.

I like things to be settled and to know where things are. You can’t do that in the middle of a move.

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers?

I’ve done both. With the overseas moves, we were moved by the gov’mint—my ex-husband was in the US military. That was nice in some ways—just had to sort things out ahead of time and make sure they didn’t pack things they shouldn’t and did pack what they should. On the other hand, there was an absolute deadline—they were showing up at a date and time and you couldn’t fudge it and tell them to come back the next day, you weren’t quite ready.

For the shorter moves, I’ve done it myself, with the help of friends. They curse my book collection and my oak furniture. But I do pack well—almost everything is in boxes or containers.

It’s a toss-up as to which is better. As I get older (cough) , I’m leaning more towards paying someone to help me.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?

Again as a veteran…and having moved with pets and a small child, I think I am qualified for this one!

• Take care of yourself—get your hair cut, meditate every day for an hour, get a massage, whatever it is that makes you feel good and strong. Trust me, you’ll need it.
• Clear out the junk before you move. As soon as you know—are told, make the decision—that you will move, start immediately. This is when you get rid of the ragged towels and unfinished art projects and dried-up makeup and books you never read past the first chapter. Believe me, especially when you’re paying for it, it’s very discouraging to unpack things and think—“why did I bother moving this?”
• Get the pets and small kids (say, under 10) out of the place the day of the move. Life will be happier for everyone involved.
• Have a “no-go” room. This is where you put everything you don’t want moved by the movers (whether they are professionals or your friends). If you want to move your computer, or Great-Aunt Tilly’s china, or your cherished art yourself, this is where it goes. So do papers like insurance policies, pet health records, clothes and other things needed during the move—anything you will need to touch during the move. It can be a closet, too, but the key is a door that be firmly closed with a sign saying “Do Not Enter” in as many ways and languages needed.
• Be sure to have more than enough of whatever special stuff you need—diapers, pet food, medications, etc. And now is NOT the time to lose Junior’s special blankie! Or to try potty training. Or to give up the binky.
• Don’t be afraid to spoil yourself and your significant others a bit around the move. A new bedspread, pizza the night before the movers come, not starting to unpack the minute the movers finish unloading but instead taking a walk around the new neighbourhood—whatever you and your loved ones need to feel a bit special. There is plenty of time for frayed nerves and exhaustion.
• Last rooms to pack, first to unpack—kitchen and bathroom. The rest you can make do—these you need functional ASAP.

There—now I sound like a Family Morale Support Specialist on an Army base…

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves of not outer ones?

I’ve been contemplating a move, mostly for financial reasons, to a smaller, cheaper place. Given my recent disastrous foray into housemates, it’s my only real alternative for reducing my housing costs. The issues are the costs of moving itself, and finding a place where Mr. M would be mobile and accepted. So for the moment, I’m here.

Bonus: Movies/books, etc about moving.

Do you know, I couldn’t really come up with one? Strange. The closest I can come is the opening of When Harry Met Sally and they’re moving from Chicago to New York City—everything fit in a station wagon. Now those were the days…

Thanks for this, Mother Laura! Lots of memories—some not so great, some wonderful—but all worthwhile.

(and look, a whole post with no mention of Strong Heart...oops.)

Authority

I am so going to try not to dwell on what is sweetest in my thoughts at the moment—namely, Strong Heart and our growing relationship—and look at something she and I have discussed a bit. Being both clergy geeks, this really is the sort of thing we discuss…well, some of what we discuss, anyway.

Authority and leadership. Ordained clergy are set aside for leadership in the church. Every denomination has its own refinement on what that means (only clergy consecrate sacraments? Only clergy officiate at baptisms? Etc.) as well as the process by which a person is ordained (seminary and denominational requirements, denominational training course, anointing by congregation, etc.). But the question remains—ordained to what? Set aside for what?

When I was consecrated in the United Methodist Church (ordination is a two-step process there, in which first a person is consecrated as a probationary elder, then after 3 years, ordained an elder—and don’t get me started on the illogic of that), we were told as part of the consecration, “Take thou authority…” Authority to do what? Well, to preach and to order worship, to consecrate Communion, to baptise—and also to send in the annual church reports, to meet with the district superintendant, to counsel and mediate and lead council meetings….in short, to lead a church.

But what gave me that authority? Yes, the words spoken over me at the consecration; and the training I had received at seminary and through my mentors. But more importantly than either of these is the call I received from God to pastor. When the United Methodist Church could not accept or hear my call, I went where it was accepted—where the authority of my call was recognised.

And what is the nature, then, of that authority? Is it rule—being the one in charge, the one with the final say, like the mother who says, “You do this because I said so, that’s why.” Is it the shepherd—being the one with the vision, seeing the goal, herding the flock towards that righteous end? Is it the guide—who knows the pitfalls and dangers as well as where the wells of living waters are? Is it the servant—who, by example and patience and love, offers an alternative to self-absorption? Is it the CEO—always seeing the bottom line, figuring how many new members pledging so much per year we get per five thousand flyers going out into the community? Is it the politician—working with the government or elected officials to set up needed services? Is it the activist—raising a lonely voice and taking a stand?

I think true leadership is a blend of all these—none should predominate, but all blend into a whole—so that each may emerge as needed. This is an ideal, to be sure. But in my experience, when one of this overshadows the rest, trouble lies ahead.

Does that sound like I’m afraid to make a stand? Perhaps it does seem that way, but I do have a position on this—every clergy person must be able to act in any of those roles at any time. Sometimes the flock needs to be pushed in another direction; sometimes they need to be loved and supported and served; sometimes they need to take a hard look at finances.

And every clergy person has one of those roles that predominates—that’s based on their personality and style. Myself, I tend to the servant leader—to me, the stole I wear on Sundays is a symbol of the yoke of obedience. I responded to my call because I could do no other—in obedience to God. And so I did what I had to do in order to serve God.

Others will have other stories. I have friends who are politicians, who are activists, who are CEOs. But they also are able to be servants or guides when needed.

“Take thou authority.”

Spring...

Life is good.

There is someone very special in my life now. I’ve known her for a while; definitely noticed her, but…well, my own stubbornness kept me from admitting that I was attracted to her. She’s also clergy (well, to-be at the moment, but soon enough…), and we’ve had some similar life experiences (though by no means all), and many of our mutual friends thought we’d be perfect for each other. So of course I said I didn’t think so—it was expected, it was too perfect, it worked too well… Someone should really have smacked me upside the head.

Well, God did. Strong Heart and I began associating more often recently through a complicated chain of events, and we talked...and talked...and talked. I found I had been very foolish to resist God’s nudging.

Strong Heart is everything I have hoped and prayed for—a warm, spiritual, loving, strong, nurturing person who, mysteriously, finds me interesting and attractive. I’m not going to argue anymore—just enjoy it until she wakes from her delusion.

Seriously, I cannot imagine what I have done to merit such support and caring and trust; I am simply receiving it gratefully as a sacred gift. My prayer is that I am able to give her the same in return.

God is teaching me something—probably a couple of things, to be honest. First is patience, and the second is that She really does know what She’s doing.

I can truly say, “Thank you, Jesus!”

Good Friday Five

Trying to get back into the rhythm of my week… I will make a start with this!

RevHRod over at RevGalBlogPals offers this for the Friday Five:

1. Our prayer concerns are as varied as we are this day. For whom would you like us to pray?

2. Are there things you have done or will do today to help the young ones understand this important day in our lives?

3. Music plays an important part in sharing the story of this day. Is there a hymn or piece of music that you have found particularly meaningful to your celebrations of Good Friday?

4. As you hear the passion narrative, is there a character that you particularly resonate with?

5. Where have you seen the gracious God of love at work lately?

And here are my responses:

1. Our prayer concerns are as varied as we are this day. For whom would you like us to pray?

CaliPastor’s partner, Piano Man lost his aunt last night—she was like another mother to him, so this is a blow to the whole family. Prayers for all of them, please, especially as PM’s mom is also very ill. And for a dear friend whose relationship is imploding, amidst tears and insults and anger and confusion and much pain…prayers for understanding and compassion and, eventually, healing and the return of hope. And for me, as I explore gingerly the possibilities of a new relationship.

2. Are there things you have done or will do today to help the young ones understand this important day in our lives?

Sadly, no. I don’t think I’ve ever had children present for a Good Friday service—and I know none of the services that I have participated in have made space for them. A sad commentary. Thank you for the nudge, RevHRod. I will rectify that in future.

3. Music plays an important part in sharing the story of this day. Is there a hymn or piece of music that you have found particularly meaningful to your celebrations of Good Friday?

“Were You There?” has always moved me, and today we heard an amazing instrumental version using pipes and drums. Very haunting and dramatic and Celtic. The closing hymn afterwards was an anticlimax.

4. As you hear the passion narrative, is there a character that you particularly resonate with?

Always Peter. I try to do what I know I should, and I can be brave up to a point—but when it comes to the point, all too often my courage fails and I pretend I don’t know the man from Galilee. It’s not that I don’t know the right thing to do—I do. I just can’t bring myself to do it, because it would mean more work or stares, or nasty phone calls, or the loss of friendships. None of them good enough reasons. And so I take comfort that Peter does redeem himself later. Also in the fact that Brit Boy took “Peter” as his confirmation name—for much the same reasons, I suspect.

5. Where have you seen the gracious God of love at work lately?

In the aforementioned possible relationship… In the support of the local community here in River City around the study the church is doing. In the expressed and supportive love of Cali Pastor and Piano Man during my recent visit (to be honest, they spoiled me rotten, from the gourmet coffee I love but they don’t drink, to the use of the sporty Jeep to luscious meals to wonderful company).

Withdrawal Pains

My faithful laptop has to go to the big laptop repair shop far away. I will not be able to post for several days. This is what I get for procrastinating on the repair.

The good news? It's still under warranty.

Will post regularly once it returns...

Catching Up...

Oh my more than a month!!

I can’t believe it’s been so long. Well.

I’ve been involved with a presentation at a conference, then went to Large Western Coastal City to another conference and also to visit friends, and then back to catch up. Also, with a second job I have to be a lot better at time management. It’s a challenge.

Projects I am currently working on: worship planning for the next couple of months, working with Brit Boy on the church’s website redesign, rewriting the membership class materials, and working on SOPs for a community organisation. That’s in addition to the usual sermon writing, worship and bulletin preparation (for two churches), Powerpoint presentation, etc.

Events for me personally: On the positive side: visiting my friends was wonderful. It offered a much-needed break with people who love me and support me unconditionally and who spoil me shamefully. They fed me bountifully, listened, entertained, and loved me. On the negative side: I’ve told Roomie to be out by this Saturday. And that’s a long story…suffice it to say that I was being taken advantage of—rent not paid, lack of responsibility re: house cleaning, no respect for boundaries… So she’s going to be gone, with the help of Landlord if needed.

So I will endeavour to do better at this—even if it’s a short note. I promise!

Monday Night Video

The Indigo Girls sing for me about love.... "The Last Tears."

(Warning: Amy wears a skirt in this video! Also, this video has a different spin on the song than I'm using it for...but just listen to the song)

My Personal Art

Well, it's done! I hope the picture is clear enough.

It wasn't that bad, actually--the process, I mean. Outlining wasn't the greatest, but the rest was very tolerable. And I impressed the artist--and Man About Town. Both of them expected that I would object a lot more, or have more discomfort, given the location. Pah! I've been through childbirth, I told them; 20 hours of induced labour and a c-section. I can handle a tat!

I love the design he came up with and the way he blended the colours...he even thought to ask me which colour I wanted on the top of the circle! I told him red, because while blue is my favourite colour, red is the one that I identify as "my" colour. It's a tad larger than I envisioned at first; but so much detail was lost when it was smaller, that I decided to go for a bit more size. And it's still small enough that I can, if I want, cover it.

The artist called it "striking." I'm inclined to agree!

P.S. This morning it's itchy and sting-y--like sunburn--just like RDQ said it would be!

Skin Art--It's Almost Time!

Three hours!

I was most impressed--I called the studio yesterday to confirm the appointment, and was given a list of do's and don'ts for last night and today:

• Do get a good night's sleep (I did)
  
• Do have a good meal in the afternoon before coming in (I'm doing that right now)
  
• Don't drink alcohol or do drugs (!!) before coming in (no...not a problem)
  
• Wear something comfortable (going home to change soon)
  
• Expect to be tired tonight (OK...)
  

Clearly this is an establishment that cares about its clientèle. Well, I was aware of that from the length of time I had to wait for an appointment. They are certainly not the only studio in town, so there's another reason for the wait time--the quality!

So I'm off on the adventure, friends! Will post pictures later!

Friday Five on Monday

Believe me, this is typical of my life these days… Friday becomes Monday...

So, RevHRod wants to know about books! Dangerous question to ask a former librarian… But here goes!

1. What book have you read in the last six months that has really stayed with you? Why?

Wow, this one is actually pretty difficult. I’m trying to remember what I’ve read! Leaving Church, by Barbara Brown Taylor had a lot to say to me. But then, so has Identity and the Case for Gay Rights: Race, Gender, Religion as Analogies, by David A.J. Richards.

2. What is one of your favourite childhood books?

Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L’Engle; The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien; The Rising of the Lark, by Anne Moray. I know, you said one. But all of these taught me, in different ways, that life doesn’t always have happy endings, that people who deserve good things don’t always get them; and that while life simply isn’t fair, there is nonetheless value in doing what is right. Which sounds hackneyed, but at the age of 10-14, these are valuable lessons to learn.

3. Do you have a favourite book of the Bible? Do tell!

My favourite Gospel is Luke, followed closely by Mark. In the Hebrew Bible, Isaiah, followed closely by Job.

4. What is one book you could read again and again?

Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. Coming Out Spiritually, by Christian de la Huerta (and I’m sure everyone is tired of reading that title in my blog! Too bad…). And the “Kristin Lavrandottir” series, by Sigrid Undset. The latter is the life story of Kristin, from the age of 5 or so until her death. She’s on the fringes of major events in Norwegian history, but nothing major. It’s simply the story of her life—her youth, her marriage, her children, the rise and fall and rise again of her fortunes, the mistakes she makes (some huge ones) and the right decisions (some very good ones). And all wrapped in a medieval Norway you can feel.

5. Is there a book you would suggest for Lenten reading? What is it and why?

A daily devotional. I tend to get back into my daily reading and prayers during Lent, stick with it pretty well until the summer, when it falls apart, and make a few feeble stabs at it until the next Lent… I have a Celtic one I like very much.

And because we all love bonus questions, if you were going to publish a book what would it be? Who would you want to write the jacket cover blurb expounding on your talent?

I would like my friend Builder in Large Capitol City to write his memoirs. He’s lived an amazing life and has the most wonderful stories to tell—funny, sad, touching, bittersweet, horrifying—and he tells them well. He’s lived through some amazing times, and his stories need to be told.

Oh, you mean what book that I would write? I’ve been mulling a novel about a small-town band… And the jacket blurb should be by kd lang, Eric Clapton, Steve Martin, Bob Seger, Bono, Bishop Gene Robinson, and Archbishop Rowan Williams issuing a joint statement.

And what did you have in your tea after dinner?

Skin Art, Part…Whatever

Whoo hoo...Less than forty-eight hours now. Um, 43.5 to be precise. Man About Town says, "The countdown begins!"

Still looking forward to this. Well, maybe not looking forward to the process but the result. Well, maybe I am looking forward to the process--in a testing-myself way. Seeing if I can do this.

And I hadn't thought of this until this moment...When I was 10 years old, I had a disorder of the spleen, called idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura...basically, my spleen was destroying more platelets (blood clotting factor) than it was creating. Thus I bled very easily and didn't stop easily. I eventually had to have my spleen out, but in the process of coming to a diagnosis, I had to have bone marrow drawn. There are two locations they generally draw it from--either the pelvic girdle, in the small of your back, or the breastbone. Because of my age (I suspect), they used the breastbone...in approximately the same place my new art will go.

In that case, they were searching for what was wrong with my body.

In a couple of days, we'll be celebrating what is right with my spirit.

And it feels so right.

Skin Art, Obsessional Division, Subsection Two (Procrastination)

Four days, five and a half hours!

Skin Art, Obsessional Division, Subsection One

Six days, four hours, forty minutes!

Skin Art, Obsessional Division

One week. Whoo hoo! Only seven days! And 7 hours. I am so ready!

Still have: several days of work, a haircut/colour, an anniversary celebration, a pre-wedding session, a sermon, two meetings and a Bible study to get through first.

Seven days, 6 hours, 45 minutes!

Reversing Gravity?

I’m taking a big leap here, and becoming a bit more personal on this blog. I know, what’s more personal than skin art?

Well, emotions. The tangled and blue state of mine, to be precise. How do you fall out of love?

(Forgive me if I sound melodramatic or whining. I’m not terribly rational on this subject.)

You see, there’s someone I care about very much—OK, someone I love. It’s not infatuation or lust or anything but honest love. But. For a variety of reasons I’m not going to go into, this person is never going to be my significant other. Just trust me, these reasons aren’t something that can change. We’re reasonably close friends, so there’s a true intimacy there. But it won’t, can’t, go any further than that. And yet I can’t get this person out of my head and my heart. Every time I think I’m over it, something makes me realise I’m not over it. Reason isn’t working; the pain of constant contact while knowing it’s impossible isn’t doing it; trying to meet and fall for someone else most certainly hasn’t worked.

I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve rationalised, I’ve journaled…nothing has worked . I want it to stop, but it won’t. I don’t dwell on it…but it’s always there, when something reminds me of this person, or of a joke we’ve shared or of something we’ve done together.

I’ve thought of ending our friendship, even, simply because it hurts so much sometimes. But I can’t bring myself to do it—for one thing, explanations would be needed and I want to keep my dignity, because I know this person doesn’t feel the same way for me as I do for them—and, I pray, has no idea how I feel (and the person rarely, if ever, reads my blog, so I feel fairly safe that they won’t read this or won’t recognise themselves if they do). And I can’t pretend there’s another reason for ending our friendship—I’ve never lied to this person; I can’t end our friendship with a lie. And then the friendship part is very good, and I think mutually enriching. We just have a good time together.

And part of me feels stupid or juvenile for having this sort of issue at my age—the half-century mark isn’t that far away, and you’d think I’d have this love thing figured out by now.

But I want to let go of it; I want the pain to go away, I want to be available for whatever mutually rewarding relationship is possible. But how do I do that? Do I just endure until I stop feeling this way?

I have no ideas left. Any of you have an idea, brothers and sisters?

Skin Art, Part…Whatever

Two weeks today. I’m looking forward to it; I’m nervous. I can’t wait.

I mentioned that I was getting a tattoo to some friends over the holidays, and was surprised at some of the responses. One friend, whose father had always regretted his Navy-acquired tattoos, warned me about those regrets, especially considering where I plan on having it done (on my chest, about where a pendant would hang). Another, fairly conservative friend, was dead against it. Yet another shrugged. TO was impressed (he hates needles and wouldn’t get a tattoo if his life depended on it—the last time he got an immunization, he fainted), as was Travelling Sister. I haven’t mentioned it to Mom yet.

And then one friend—Honest Lawyer—was very enthusiastic. HL is one of those friends I see maybe twice a year (we don’t live near each other any more), but every time we do get together, our connection is still there and we can talk about anything at all, pick up the threads of our last conversation and carry on. We can be very honest with each other (she really pushed me, this last visit, to think about some things in a different light), and yet we shared some intensive experiences that meant we know parts of each other in ways no one else ever will. Anyway, she was very supportive and excited about it—she wants a photo of it the moment it’s done (ah, the joys of camera phones and photo messaging!).

And Man About Town is almost as excited as I am. It’s on his calendar!

But in the meantime, there’s a board meeting, an anniversary celebration, preparations to make for a presentation at a national conference in Sister City, and one or two sermons to write. Among the usual other stuff of life, like renewing health cards and getting groceries and doing laundry and putting up pictures…

Only two weeks!!

Saturday Afternoon Video...

The MCC denomination has watched Amanda grow up and has cheered her all the way. What an amazing young woman. Have a hanky ready--she will move you.

Random Thoughts on the Way to Becoming a Sermon...

Joseph. The carpenter. The spouse of Mary. Jesus' earthly father. Him.

The Lectionary reading is about him this week, and I like that. I'm all about the ones who get overlooked, who no one notices, or really thinks about. And Joseph is one of those.

It must have been difficult for him--in his society, pregnancy before marriage just didn't happen--especially if the baby wasn't her fiance's. He had no idea what was going on, but it didn't happen in "decent families" and so he decided not to marry her after all. Now, I'm not sure, on one level, that he was being truly "righteous" when he decided not to marry her after all but not to make a stink about it. But then, we don't know what conversations Mary and Joseph had about it--if any.

Mary: "Look, I know this isn't the done thing. But it was the Spirit of God."
Joseph: (Incredulous) "Sure it was."

Another of those instances where we know the story so well we don't see these twists in it. "Speed bumps," one of my Biblical Studies profs used to call them.

I mean, how would you react if your significant other/daughter/sister said she was pregnant by God? Indeed--a quick trip to the psychologist.

At any rate, Joseph had made his decision. And then he had a dream. Someone in the RevGals lectionary discussion on Tuesday drew the connection between this Joseph and his ancestor Joseph, the dreamer of dreams in Egypt.

So he changes his mind, based on a dream (which doesn't make much more sense than what Mary might have told him), and does something very radical. He accepts Mary's scandalous pregnancy, even if the facts have been kept fairly quiet within the family so that all the village doesn't know, and marries her.

I wonder what went through his mind--was he simply resigned, quietly resentful at God putting this task on him, awed and reverent at the honour, uncertain but willing to step out in faith? I wonder if this drew him closer to Mary, as he understood better what it must have felt like, to be called to a task that was difficult, an honour, bound to cause trouble for you in your culture, a blessing...all those things.

I'd like to think it did strengthen their bond, this common call to bear and raise God's child, to stand in the face of derision or skepticism from their families and friends. It's easy to forget that these were real people, not creche figures or cardboard characters.

It's a tough job to be a parent in any case--and how much more difficult when your child is born under, shall we say, unusual circumstances (whether premature, from artificial insemination, adopted--or the child of the Most High). I'm sure there were times when either or both Mary and Joseph resented this task, and times when they were overjoyed with the child.

My last question about Joseph has always been, "What happened to him?" The traditional answer is that he died before Jesus began his ministry. It makes sense--there's mention of Mary and Jesus' siblings but not Joseph. And I find it difficult to believe that a man who could accept that his fiancee was pregnant by the Holy Spirit would be unable to accept the child of that pregnancy becoming an itinerant rabbi. The two things go together. So Joseph never saw the most earth-shattering parts of Jesus' life, even though Joseph had prepared Jesus for them.

Now, in a certain sense, I can see another purpose for Joseph and his dreams. The goal, for the gospel writer, was to show that Jesus was the child of God, not the child of Joseph. So not only did Mary have a vision, but Joseph had a dream, and both had the same result--they accepted the child and were married. So Jesus was clearly the child of God, but at the same time, was legitimate, in the terms understood in his time and place.

I like Joseph. In the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington DC is a statue of Joseph. It's in a side chapel, the one usually used as a Lady Chapel in Roman Catholic churches, dedicated to Mary. Well, the whole church is dedicated to Mary in this case, so it only seems fair somehow that Joseph gets a chapel. At any rate, the statue really caught my eye. Joseph cradles a toddler-age Jesus in his arms, as the child looks up at him happily. We know it's Joseph and not St. Christopher (who's also often shown carry Jesus, since that's what his name means and his whole claim to fame)--there are carpentry tools at Joseph's feet. I like the statue because it shows a nuturing, caring Joseph. So often Joseph is depicted in such marginal roles as leading the donkey, holding a lantern in the stable, or, later in Jesus' life, teaching him carpentry. All needed nad useful, but really something that could have been done by almost anyone; or else hardly surprising. But this tender Joseph is wonderful. I couldn't find any information on it when I went looking on the internet, unfortunately, but I remember it very clearly from a visit only four years ago.

Joseph. He willingly, if reluctantly, took on an enormous task that was bound to cause him trouble, on the basis of a dream.

Do we listen to our dreams? We may not have angels visiting us every night, but we do feel those calls, those commands, the voice of an angel speaking to us in the darkness of our nights, when we lie awake wondering what to do or how to do it or why we should. Listen to those angels. Joseph did.

Tired, hungry

Week One of Pastoring/Office administering is behind me. I'm feeling frustrated because everything takes me twice as long as it really should--because I'm learning how to do it, and so I make mistakes. Lots of them. But it's very forgiving atmosphere (well, one would hope...) and the former OA is still volunteering. This week, he's training me and picking up the slack. Why did I decide to start the week before that Big Event that Will Smama mentioned earlier? Oh, yeah, a week's salary!

Tonight though, I'm feeling weary and hungry and worn out. I will grant you that part of that is because I was out late last night with Man About Town and some of our friends, celebrating the holidays before everyone takes off this weekend. And guess what that dear man gave me for Christmas? A gift certificate to the studio of my skin artist! (Lest you think all my friends are financially well-off, he received it because he donated some canned goods to our local mission through the studio; he started to refuse it, saying he wasn't going to have anything done soon, and the artist said, "Well you *know* someone who is." Man About Town smacked his own forehead and said, "RP! Of course!" And gave it to me last night. Have I mentioned how sweet and generous he is? Oh, I have? OK....)

Anyway....I'm rambling, my tummy is grumbling, and I'm going to take it as easy as possible tonight. I do need to move some furniture for Roomie's arrival next week, but that shouldn't take long. Or I may put it off until tomorrow, when I have nothing scheduled at all (except writing 2 sermons, some prayers, and wrapping the creche*).

John Adams and I have a date--and I had better finish his biography, RDQ is beginning to question my sanity, since I am claiming to date dead presidents!

Off to have a burger and fries (OK, soy burger and baked potato)!

*Brilliant idea from a clergy collegue here in River City. Wrap up all the figures in tissue paper, pack them in a larger box, wrap the box, Talk about Christmas and the Christmas story, tying in presents. Open the large box, have the kids (and I plan to enlist some adults if I don't have enough willing children) each take a package, unwrap them one at a time, and talk about the significance of that figure in the story. The donkey carried Mary to Bethlehem, the shepherds were visited by the angel, the good news the angel brought, etc. DO NOT wrap the Christ child. He goes in your pocket. Then when all the other figures are in the stable, talk about how nice it is, and complete and finished. And if one of the brighter kids doesn't say anything, suddenly realise the Child isn't there, fish him out (ooh bad pun, sorry), put him in the scene, and discuss how he's the centre of the story and the real gift of Christmas.

[This is the management. We regret RP's babbling, but assure you she will be fine once she has some supper. Please continue your normal activities. There's nothing to see here.]

Coda (which it doesn't fit either post but is interesting and an update)

Remember back in September I decided to get some skin art, inspired by Will Smama? And remember how the first appointment I could get was in January, and how I told them that if something came open earlier to call me?

Well, nothing's come open. And in talking to Man About Town the other day (he's a cousin of the artist), I learned that the wait time is now SIX FREAKIN' MONTHS! I feel lucky I only had to wait three.

And still excited by it--can't wait....January 23, 2008...

Two Weeks--Continued...

Well, in so many ways I am feeling blessed right now (see below). But I would trade it all for the health of two friends and active church members, one here in River City and one in Big Capitol City. They are wonderful people, and both are fighting variants of the same disease. Grief and worry is mingling with my happiness.

Two Weeks?!

Holy Advent, Batman! Has it really been two weeks since I blogged? Yikes...

Well, I will resist going back to the book I really would like to read (and highly recommend: "Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth Century America" by Lillian Faderman) to update you (yes, all ten or so of you!). There's been lots happening here in River City!

First, my ex, Army Guy, in a truly blessed moment of generosity, bought me a plane ticket to go to Big Capitol City and visit my son and friends after Christmas. He knows my financial situation (see below) and felt this was the best way to get TO and I together for the holidays. He didn't have to; but he did. And the interesting thing is, it's helped me heal some of the resentment I was (and am, a little) still feeling toward him. The most difficult part was moving past my pride to what's best for TO and our relationship (and thank you, Brit Boy, for the kick in the a** needed there). And blessings to Army Guy for seeing that need and rising to the occasion.

Second, my finances were/are in some distress--this is a part-time pulpit and I don't have a partner to help with some more income; I don't have a trust fund; heck, I didn't even have another job. That's right--"didn't have." I do now, in another church of our denomination not too far away (not, however, as pastor). With the combined salaries, I'll be OK. Added bonuses: closer ties between the two churches; with one salary in US dollars and the other in Canadian, I'll be OK no matter what the exchange rate is (and it's been weird lately); I can regularly shop in US stores for those things I can't seem to find in Canada (sweet pickles, Pounce for the felines, L'eggs hose, etc.); a US-based chequing account makes sense again, and will be so useful; and access to some of my favourite stores/restaurants on the planet in the GLBT area near the church (OK, the last may be detrimental to the paycheque, true).

Third, a young woman I knew through the church (hereinafter known as Roomie) is returning to River City for schooling, and needs a room. Guess what? I have a bedroom I'm not using . Congenial company and a bit more income.

Fourth, a dear friend from seminary and his partner are making it possible for me to attend a denominational conference next year. Because they live near the conference site, I'll be able to stay with them, and therefore actually visit with them. Icing on the cake? They're using their frequent flier miles to upgrade me to first class for the trip.

Fifth, Brit Boy let me know how much he values our friendship in words that touched me deeply. I knew how much his friendship meant to me; now I have an idea what it means to him. He had so better invite me to a certain event (involving a pretty young lady and a church) next year!

I am feeling so very very blessed in my friends these days. I don't think I'm a better or kinder or more loving friend than anyone else they know--but these wonderful people are all giving and giving to me. Army Guy, Roomie, Cali Pastor, Piano Man, RDQ, Man About Town, The Professor, RED, The Stylist, Brit Boy, The Small Church Cabal, Monsieur, Guitar Lady, Denizens of the Yellow House, the Campers--all have been very present and loving for me. I can only say, "Thank you, God, for these wonderful loving friends through whom your Presence is made known in my life. They have taught me the meaning of grace."

Advent Grumping Friday Five!

This week’s Friday Five sees Will Smama at her best:

Parishioners pushing for carols before you digested your turkey?

Organist refusing to play Advent hymns because he/she already has them planned for Lessons & Carols?

Find yourself reading Luke and thinking of a variety of ways to tell Linus where to stick it? (Lights please.)

Then this quick and easy Friday Five is for you! And for those of you with a more positive attitude, have no fear. I am sure more sacred and reverent Friday Fives will follow.

Please tell us your least favourite/most annoying seasonal....
1) dessert/cookie/family food
2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc...)
3) tradition (church, family, other)
4) decoration
5) gift (received or given)
BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it.

I know, I know.... pretty grumpy for November but why not get it out of our systems now so we are free to enjoy the rest of the festivities.

Ooooh, I’m ready for this. I’m in a grumpy mood anyway, after finding two of the tires on my car slashed this morning. It seems to be random hooliganism (old-fashioned word, but it says how I feel), and not personal, as two or three other cars in the area also had tires slashed. Screwdriver. In the sidewall. Twisted about. In one tire, there were two holes. The capper? The tires were just a bit more than six months old.

So here goes:
1. Mincemeat pie. I mean, what’s the point? I’ll go for most any pie—apple, peach, banana cream, pumpkin, key lime, sweet potato, grasshopper—but mincemeat just doesn’t taste like anything. Or if it does, it’s the spices. No thanks.
2. Actually, I pretty much like them all. Hot chocolate, eggnog (see my archives for last year, where I included a recipe for killer eggnog), Christmas beer, hot spiced wine, champagne, hot cider…bring them on! So I guess that stuff that calls itself low-fat, no sugar, pastuerised non-alcoholic eggnog you can buy at the store in a carton--that's what I don't like.
3. Tradition..hmm. The retail tradition of placing a Christmas tree on top of a haunted house. I mean, can’t we at least get through Halloween before we have Christmas? And then the way they over-decorate!! Every inch of the mall has ornaments or lights or flags or poinsettias or fake holly. Ugh.
4. Speaking of decoration… Those fake icicle lights. In the US South. Where they never have icicles. I mean please. (OK, and now I’ve offended every RevGal to the South of the Mason-Dixon line in the US).
5. Gift… Hmm. This is potentially dangerous, because what you really mean here is “Worst gift given by someone who never reads your blog.” No, actually, I’ve rarely gotten gifts I didn’t appreciate. Perhaps the washcloths with my name printed on them that my grandmother gave me when I was six.
Bonus: “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.” Boo Hiss. I mean really. Of course, it could be worse. “Rocking Around the Manger Scene?”

Can I offer a quick antidote? Here are my favs of each:
1. Sugar cookies with frosting
2. Champagne
3. Coming home from the midnight service and then—and only then!—putting the Christ child in the nativity.
4. The brass stars my mother had in her windows for many years—they lighted from the inside,and were pierced with star shapes for the light to glow through. Lovely.
5. The gold cross my son gave my for Christmas while I was in seminary. It was his own eight-year-old idea; and I still wear it most days.
Song/CD: This is tough. One of Mannheim Steamroller’s Christmas CD’s, Handel’s Messiah: A Soulful Celebration, Chicago’s Christmas CD or just the song, “Mary, Did You Know?”

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2007

Well what's to be said?

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) was passed by the House of Representative of the US Congress, but without including gender identity. Non-Discrimination that is not inclusive is discriminatory.

And in Canada, gender reassignment surgery has not been added back to coverage under the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP). Ontario has the highest population of any of Canada's provinces.

The situation is not much better elsewhere.

The list below includes individuals who were killed by others out of fear and hatred as well as some who took their own lives out of pain and despair. We cannot accept this as simply status quo.

Those of us who call ourselves Christian have an obligation to include; to draw the circle of God's love as wide as possible.

God did not say to love your neighbours who are like yourself; but to love your neighbour as much as you love yourself.

We remember the ones we have lost--friends, neighbours, loved ones, family members, strangers, email friends--to the cruelty and pain and hatred of others.

Nakia Ladelle Baker, Nashville, Tennessee
Hasan Sabeh, Baghdad, Iraq
Keittirat Longnawa, Rassada, Thailand
Tatiana, Trani, Italy
Moira Donaire; Viña del Mar, Chile
Michelle Carrasco "Chela", Santiago, Chile
Ruby Rodriguez, San Francisco, California
Erica Keel, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Bret T. Turner, Madison, Wisconsin
Manuela Di Cesare, Pescara, Italy
Unidentified Male Clad in Female Attire, Kingston, Jamaica
Victoria Arellano, San Pedro, California
Oscar Mosqueda, Daytona Beach, Florida
Stefania, Roma, Italy
Maribelle Reyes, Houston, Texas
Ian Guarr, Holland, Michigan
And finally, all those who have no names, who died alone and unnamed…

Whatever is Pure, Honourable, Just, True, Pleasing, Excellent, Worthy of Praise…

Well, that’s the meme for the RevGalBlogPals’ Friday Five today. So here goes:

1. Just: The Heifer Project. You’ve probably heard of the Heifer Project. An individual receives an animal or animals (heifer, flock of chickens, swarm of bees) from the Project, and thus has a start on a good income. When the flock/swarm is large enough, they are to share the extra with their neighbours; when the heifer calves, the young one goes to a neighbour. And so the wealth is shared. And you can too, here.

2. True: Mr. M., my dog. He’s older now, and finds stairs a challenge (well, he does anyway, being a Welsh Corgi). But when I come upstairs to work in my home study, he ignores my commands to “stay” downstairs and struggles up to be with me. Unfortunately, I can’t carry him up and down on a regular basis, as he is just over my carrying limit at 35 pounds. But he wants
to be where I am (typical Corgi), and will do what it takes to make that happen.

3. Excellent: The care of my friends. I can’t begin to name them all, but Denizens of the Yellow House, Deacon, Brit Boy, Cali Pastor, and the Professor have been especially loving and supportive recently. They care, and they let me know in ways both tangible and intangible that they do. My life would be much greyer and sadder without them in it.

4. Worthy of praise: My Regional Elder ( = Bishop/District Superintendent; my immediate superior in the denomination). She has one of the most difficult jobs going, does it on a financial shoestring, and exhibits grace, wisdom and intelligence whilst doing so.

5. Honourable: A friend who took the difficult and challenging high road when the easy and simple low road was available and even expected. I honour him and love him the more for it—in fact, it was one of the (many) reasons I knew I wanted his friendship.

Short and sweet this week...

Extravagant Unbusyness…

I love the name and the idea!

Sally at RevGalBlogPals is using this for the Friday Five. It’s all about self-care, and finding those little bits of the day to do something for oneself. So without further ado, here we are.

Five things I would do to:

1. Care for my body

Move more. Living close to downtown River City as I do, I can often walk to events and all those band venues I love so much—also the main library, one of the two hospitals in town where I often have members, my favourite record store, my hairstylist, several friends and a couple of bookstores. The church is a bit too far, and I usually have too many heavy items to walk to the grocery store, but otherwise I don’t have to drive. I need to walk more often. It doesn’t add that much time, and it would be good for me.

2. Care for my spirit

Look out my window. I have two in my study at home (the ones in my office at church are frosted), and there are trees and squirrels and flowers (well, not any more, given the season here), and I need to take time to enjoy them and recognise their beauty. In all seasons!

3. My mind

Read. There are lots of moments I can use for reading…over lunch, the fifteen minutes before I turn out my light at night, while I’m waiting for the doctor…I need to take advantage of those. And not all “professional reading,” although I find most of such reading fascinating. Might even give me an edge in that “fit this word into the sermon” challenge Music Man gives me so frequently!

4. Bring a sparkle to my eye

Talk to my friends. A conversation doesn’t have to last for hours to be good. I’d like to take the time for those five minute catch-up conversations, whether by phone, instant message or Skype. I’ve discovered, now that I live alone, that I can theoretically go for 24 hours without speaking a word to another human being. To an ENFJ like myself, that’s torture and crazy-making. Even a short conversation can pick up my spirits and put things into perspective.

5. Place a spring in my step

Listen to not-soothing music. I enjoy my Josh Groban and my classical and Enya and Loreena McKennitt when I’m trying to focus. But I also like to get up and move to house music, to jazz and hard-edged rock and some that can’t be categorized. So I’m going to start taking a few moments to dance around the office between appointments, or while I'm cleaning the house (nothing makes bathroom-scrubbing go faster than some house music, trust me). Try Freemasons “Rain Down Love,” the 2007 Club Mix ( see the video here ), or one of my current faves, Citywide Vacuum’s “Much Too Jung,” found here. An edgier choice is Scout Niblett singing about kisses and dinosaur eggs. Good stuff, as Brit Boy would say.

Bonus:

Which one will I put into practise? I think number 4. I already sort of do the others, I just need to be more “intentional” about it (I wish I could come up with another word besides that jargony one but it fits). The trick will be keeping it short and sweet instead of a time-suck. While there are times when we need to talk and vent, sometimes just a short, “Hi, I’m thinking of you,” or “Hey, how did the meeting go last night?” can be an amazing tonic.

Friday Five on Sunday!!

Special Edition! Only two days late!

Mother Laura’s Friday Five on interviews…. (yes, I’m running behind this week)

1. What was the most memorable interview you ever had?
This one’s easy. My final interview before being sent to the conference’s three-day ordination interview (technically, consecration interview, since it was for probationary elder status). It took place at 10 am on Wednesday, September 12, 2001, near Washington, D.C. Needless to say, neither myself nor any member of the district committee on ordained ministry was in a fit state to decide my future. Nonetheless, we forged ahead, calling on the Holy Spirit for strength and guidance and comfort—many of us had friends in the Pentagon.

The worst ones ever have been two of my ordination interviews. Nerve-wracking, with questions that I knew I had to answer honestly even though the answers weren’t what the interviewers wanted to hear (and they weren’t wrong answers, just not “politically correct” according the mores of the denomination), and in one case, over three days, and in a group of four, with my fellow interviewees there to hear my questions and responses (as I was to hear theirs). As a friend said, three of the four most stressful days of my life.

2. Have you ever been the interviewer rather than the interviewee? If so, are you a tiger, a creampuff, or somewhere in between?

Oh yes, mostly for jobs. Definitely a creampuff, although I don’t hesitate to ask the difficult questions (“You stated in your letter of application that you’re planning to open a gift store in the near future. How do you plan to work that around the 20 hours you’ll be working for the church?”).

3. Do phone interviews make you more or less nervous than in-person ones?
More nervous. I’m very bad at recognising different voice over the phone, and the distortion of speaker phones makes it even worse. Plus, as others have said, you can’t get those body language cues.

4. What was the best advice you ever got to prepare for an interview? How about the worst?
The best was to have three or four questions prepared to ask the interviewers—not about benefits or the company cafeteria, but substantive questions about the work I’d be doing, the make-up of the congregation, per-capita giving, community involvement, etc.

The worst was when I was told the interview was a “formality” and I didn’t really need to prepare for it. HAH! It was not a formality and I should have prepared for it. I did OK, but still.

It wasn’t asked, but the saddest/most confusing advice I got was to wear slacks for an ordination interview, so that I would be taken seriously as a fully out LGBT woman. The mind boggles.

5. Do you have any pre-interview rituals that give you confidence?

Read my responses to the paperwork (because that’s where their questions will probably come from), pray, imagine the worst possible questions they could ask and how I would answer, and breathe. Oh, and use the washroom about three times.

In Honour of Music Man's Challenge This Week....

One of my all-time favourite comedy routines...I laugh until I cry every time!

Food and the Friday Five!

RevHRod at the RevGals is posing food questions for the Friday Five...

If you were a food, what would you be?
Chocolate Volcano Cake. Warm, generally liked and popular, with hidden depths not everyone is aware of. Also sometimes a mess.

What is one of the most memorable meals you’ve ever had? And where?
When my ex-husband and I lived in Germany, we had German friends who had a “cottage” on the Starnberger See, near Munich. One Sunday afternoon we went for a sail in their boat and returned to the cottage for dinner. The wind had picked up while we were on the water and clouds had come in. By the time we got back to the cottage, changed, and sat down to dinner, the rain was coming down in gentle gusts. Eva had made sauerbraten (marinated in town and brought in the day before in expectation of our visit). To “take away the chill,” we had shots of Jagermeister, then beer while we waited for dinner to finish cooking. Besides the sauerbraten (and a good burgundy—in the days when I was still drinking red wine), there were roasted potatoes and a salad, with some kind of rum-soaked cake for dessert with brandy and coffee. To sit in their house (designed by Dirk), looking out through the enormous windows and watching the rain sweep across the lake, warm, full of good food, surrounded by friends and laughter…it was incredible.

What is your favourite comfort food from childhood?
Tuna-noodle casserole. I could eat it all week—and sometimes do! Topped with potato chips, please.

When going to a church potluck, what one recipe from your kitchen is sure to be a hit?
I have two—Seven-Layer Salad, and a decadent brownie dessert called Wheaton Road Cake, which is basically very moist brownies with a layer of marshmallows and icing that is closer to fudge.

What’s the strangest thing you ever willingly ate?
Interestingly enough, at the very same table and with the same people I had my memorable meal (see above), I had eel. Not that strange, really, but there it was, baked and on a platter and staring at me. Or perhaps it was the tripe—also at that table.

Bonus: What’s your favourite drink to order when looking forward to a great meal?
It depends on the meal, to be honest. In a nice restaurant where I may be having a beef or chicken, I love a dry sherry. If I’m thinking seafood (except pasta), probably a frou-frou rum drink. If it’s a burger kind of night, a beer (preferably German, Polish, Czech, Irish or British). If I have no idea what I’m ordering, white wine, a vodka martini or water (!!) are my choices.

Oh my, I sound like quite the gourmand! But I have certainly discovered that certain things go together better than other things. And I like what I like. But I wouldn’t say I’m picky.

Self Care in the Form of Ink--Postponed...

...Not through my procrastination, for once! I consulted, we designed, we agreed...and the first available date is at the end of January!!

Which will do several things: allow me to save up the cost separately from my "splurge fund;" allow me to get very nervous; allow me to become more certain; allow RDQ and Man About Town plenty of time to save the date.

So. I'm on hold for the moment. Maybe this will also allow me to learn some patience.

Thank You For the Friday Five!

RevGalBlogPals is recognizing Harvest with a Thankfulness Friday Five. So here are six things I am grateful for.(I never was good at math).

My mother. She’s unfailingly supportive, even when she doesn’t quite understand why or doesn't think it’s a good idea. She’s never said, “I told so.” She’s raised me and my sisters to be independent women who never thought we couldn’t do anything we wanted to do. She lived through some difficult times, both in her own life and family and in the world at large, and has come out of it a strong, positive, happy and healthy woman who smashes all the stereotypes of older women.

My son. TO is my favourite person in the whole world. We haven’t spent as much time together in the last few years as either of us would like, but we love each other and keep in touch in a variety of ways (a subsidiary thanks here for cell phones and Facebook). He has grown into a intelligent, caring, aware young man, and I am very proud of him.

My friends here. I’ve lived in River City just about three years—but many of the friendships I have made are so deep I feel I have known the individual far longer. This was reflected in the care I received just this past weekend from a group of those friends—loving, protective, care I didn’t expect and appreciated so much! They are wonderful people and they are a blessing in my life—the Professor, RDQ, the Stylist, Fellow Pastor, Monsieur, Man About Town, PR Dude, Radio Man, and all the rest.

My online friends. Most of them I haven’t met in person and probably won’t, although I have learned to never say never. And yet, through the medium of teh Internets, we have formed deep and lasting friendships. Brit Boy, Music Man, Shytown Girl, and many members of RGBP—in crazy times and happy times you’ve listened and responded and given, far beyond what I could ever have expected.

My health. When I was young, I went through a major illness and several injuries. Since then, however, I have been remarkably healthy. I just had a check-up and the results were stellar. Yes, I have a bit of avoirdupois to say farewell to, but otherwise—heart, innards, cholesterol, etc.—all are good. My doctor loves me. Now if we can get this menopause thing sorted…

And I have to add one more—books! All my life, books have been at the centre of my life. I read when I’m hurting, when I need distraction, when I want to know something, when an instructor told me to, when I was bored, when I was traveling… Books have been companions when I felt like I was all alone, and have given me words to speak when I was happy. I cannot imagine a house of mine that is not overflowing with books.

More Self Care in the Form of Ink

Wyldthing crystalised it it for me..."Put it where you want it...Pain is temporary."

This is my art, my body, my body art--am I going to let a stupid thing like pain stop me from getting what I really want?

H-e-double-hockey-sticks no!

RDQ and Man About Town have offered to accompany me. The company will be appreciated--more fun to share, don't you think?

So I'm going to set up an appointment with the artist today...

And that feels very good.

Edited to add: I'm going for the consultation tomorrow. We'll find out if this is even feasible. Editing may be required.

Self Care in the Form of Ink

Will Smama, over at Preacher, blogger or procrastinator, is brilliant. She's getting some skin art next week and her posts about the journey toward that event are labelled "self care."

I like it.

I've been toying with the idea of a tattoo for a long time. More seriously since I've been single. I went so far as to actually consult with an artist a couple months ago. The good news? He knew exactly what I wanted--the triquetra symbol--and felt able to design one in rainbow colours. He was enthusiastic about it, in fact. The bad news? The location I had in mind (over my heart--well not literally, but on my chest; a root chakra), it turns out, would be painful, as there is not much padding there. Apparently, the bonier the location, the more pain. I never thought I would 1) hear that I don't have enough padding somewhere, and 2) have a complete stranger prodding that area of my anatomy in a public place.

We discussed some alternatives--other locations--but since it is a symbol of the Trinity, it doesn't seem right to put it where I have the most padding (ahem). But not on my shoulder, either, really, as I would like to see it myself. I'd also like it to be somewhere I can cover it if needed--hopefully a rare event, but still. So my wrist is out. The ankle doesn't feel right, either, or my calf or shoulder blade (suggestions from friends). Perhaps the shoulder blade. But I wouldn't see it. Maybe my shoulder.

So. This is my choice: perfect location/more pain or not-so-great location/less pain.

Part of me says, "Suck it up, be strong. Show you can be tough. Other people do it, you can do it too. Do you want Man About Town [my main supporter and encouragment in this endeavour] to think you're wimping out? (etc.)" Part of me shrieks and wants to hide.

Currently I'm leaning toward the perfect location.

Thoughts?

The RGBP Friday Five from ReverendMother… We’re talking meetings!

1. What's your view of meetings? Choose one or more, or make up your own:
a) When they're good, they're good. I love the feeling of people working well together on a common goal.
I have to admit, I do like a good meeting. I like to work with others, hear other points of view, hear what other people are doing in their jobs/agencies/committees, figure out how we can work together to meet a common goal, and get ideas from other people on new ways of solving problems or doing things.

2. Do you like some amount of community building or conversation, or are you all business?
I do like a few minutes of “checking in,” if no other reason than if someone is having a crisis or even just a bad day, it’s going to impede the group. But more importantly, I really do view groups as organic, and we’re only as strong as we are together. We have to support each other, and that includes where we are in our heads.

3. How do you feel about leading meetings? Share any particular strengths or weaknesses you have in this area.
I don’t mind it. I’m good at making sure everyone is heard, and I follow an agenda religiously (hah!). But, while I’m usually goal-oriented, I can be distracted fairly easily if the distracting topic is interesting to me—whether to not it’s related to the meeting at hand… I’ve been known to take over when the putative meeting leader was being pusillanimous. But I try not to do that. It's very rude, unless of course I’m asked….

4. Have you ever participated in a virtual meeting? (conference call, IM, chat, etc.) What do you think of this format?
I’ve done conference calls and chat sessions. I think the conference call tends to work better, at least if you’re familiar with everyone’s voice. For chat meetings, you want to be sure everyone is comfortable and familiar with chat.
Both are great ways to communicate with people who are far away and have meaningful conversations; not always easy to actually get business-type stuff done, but for discussions and reporting on progress, that sort of thing, they work great.

5. Share a story of a memorable meeting you attended.
Oh dear, where do I start with the bad memories? Just one, then. There was the meeting of the company that my company was subcontracting for; the owner insisted on the subcontractors attending the “company holiday meeting” and handed out bonuses to her staff, announcing that of course we weren’t eligible for any.

There were good ones too—when all the sides of a question were explored and discussed, and a decision was made through a process of negotiation that resulted in everyone’s happiness and a successful event.

Bonus! Pet peeve about meetings: when people don’t follow the agenda. I don’t mean in a slavish, Robert’s Rules of Order fashion. I mean asking a question about an item that has already been discussed, or jumping ahead to something that is on the agenda, but later. Or bringing something up in the middle of the meeting that isn’t on the agenda at all! And then the meeting leaders that let people get away with that, when all that is needed is “That’s a good question, Bob, and I think we’ll cover it under the discussion of the picnic in a little bit. Let’s finish our discussion of the music director’s contract, and we’ll get to the picnic in a bit.”

Youth Group of a Different Kind

OK, let’s talk about youth. No, I know we weren’t—or maybe you weren’t. But they remain one of the most vulnerable populations in society—kids from 13 to 21 years old. And of those youth, the most vulnerable are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth. They face a higher rate of suicide than their straight peers, a greater risk of being homeless, of being forced into sex work, of substance abuse, and of being HIV/AIDS+.
Why? Simple. If they come out, they are often rejected by family, friends, church, school—the support system they so desperately need at that age, no matter their orientation. So they run away from home or are kicked out, and because most shelters aren’t set up for youth—or are not supportive of GLBT youth, especially trans youth—they end up on the street, often as sex workers.
Even if they are accepted by family and friends, it can be very difficult for them to feel at home in larger society at a time of life when all the forces of socialization are pushing them towards heterosexuality and gender conformity. Homecoming, prom, the whole dating scene, movies and popular music—it is all geared toward heterosexual teenagers. How do you learn how to flirt with another boy when all you see is how to flirt with a girl if you identify as a boy? How do you figure out how to be the gender you feel yourself to be, even if it doesn’t match what others think you are?
If they remain in the closet, they know they are living a lie, but they are also terrified of being found out and ostracized. They fake their way through a heterosexual world, never really feeling at home. Eventually they come out when they find themselves in a place where they can; or they live a double life; or they never do and live life denying who they are. Sometimes they commit suicide, unable to reconcile their knowledge of their own truth and what their family, friends, church, and school are telling them.
Yes. It’s depressing. And no, it’s not like that for all youth, everywhere. We can point to all kinds of exceptions—but they are exceptions.
One of the difficulties is that these issues cut across several areas—mental health, public health, spirituality, social services, child protection, criminal justice, substance abuse….and so on. No one agency can handle all these issues. And yet each of them is bound to deal with GLBT youth in some way—whether they know it or not, whether they want to acknowledge it or not, whether they want to deal with it or not, that’s the simple truth.
Here in Canada, any agency that receives government funds must abide by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms—which includes sexual orientation, and soon, if my prayers and the prayers of many others are answered, gender identity. They simply do not have a choice, they must be prepared to treat all clients equably and well, according to their needs.
River City has a group, an alliance, an organization—we’re not sure what to call ourselves—of representatives from several agencies who work together on just these issues. The child protection agency, the youth health centre, the public health agency, the HIV/AIDS organization, the local GLBT Pride organization, the mental health and substance abuse agencies, and of course the church, are all involved, among others. We’re trying to work together to offer the kind of training the agencies need, the support the kids and families need, the information everyone needs—the whole thing. Our dream is a drop-in centre or even a safe house for the youth, as are available in many cities.
Wild dreaming? Maybe. But the kids need it. Desperately. In fact, lives may literally depend on it. So we’ll keep working. Keep us in prayer as we work to move forward.

What's Your World View?

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the conclusions (or all the questions) but another interesting quiz. Thanks, RDQ!

You scored as Idealist, Idealism centers around the belief that we are moving towards something greater. An odd mix of evolutionist and spiritualist, you see the divine within ourselves, waiting to emerge over time. Many religious traditions express how the divine spirit lost its identity, thus creating our world of turmoil, but in time it will find itself and all things will again become one. Idealist 81% Cultural Creative 81% Postmodernist 56% Existentialist 44% Fundamentalist 38% Romanticist 31% Modernist 13% Materialist 0% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

Testing....

Rihanna - Umbrella lyrics

I'm thinking about using this as an illustration for the sermon tomorrow. Is that too edgy?
Hmmm